5 Resolutions Every Guy On Dating Apps Needs To Make For 2018

by Annie Foskett

I'm going to hit you with some not-so-hot takes: Dating is difficult. Dating is vulnerable. Dating is taking a leap of faith that you won't meet a jerk (or a murderer). Every human on a dating app is doing a brave thing, and I want to be VERY clear that this article is not about shaming men. (I see you, trolls.) OK, cool, now that that's settled, let's have some fun. I've been aggressively swiping of late, so I feel somewhat qualified to propose some resolutions for single guys on dating apps.

Let me self-deprecate first: I'm not app-perfect. One of my Hinge profile pictures has me in sunglasses, my League bio's cleverness-level is mediocre at best, and I've certainly been guilty of sending "How was your weekend? [waving emoji]" on Bumble. I'm a busy person, swiping faces on the internet is weird, and I have no idea what the f*ck I look like IRL, and subsequently have no idea what makes a good picture of me.

There are, however, a few things that I see on dating profiles that make me straight-up cringe.

It's likely that some of the men who proudly display shirtless selfies are perfectly fine humans who I would genuinely enjoy getting a drink with. (Minus the selfie part. Just say no to selfies.) However, if a match on an app simply messages me "What's up?" it's hard to remember to go back and reply to the message.

Here are five resolutions single guys on dating apps need to make in 2018 to get that booty. (Or, girlfriend.)

1. Ask Questions That Are Not "How Was Your Weekend?"

This resolution goes for all genders. While in theory, it's nice to ask someone how their weekend was, you're going to get a lot more responses to a more unique question like "Old Jumanji or new Jumanji?" — which is also a great way to weed out socios. I would answer that question. I would also answer "Where's your favorite piece of pizza in the city and why?" You might think that questions like that seem too eager, but they don't. Plus, we all like getting attention.

2. Avoid Listing Your Job As "Entrepreneur"

Well, unless you're Zuckerberg, Spiegel, or whoever invented ClassPass. I co-own a video production company, but I list "CHIX Productions, LLC" and not "entrepreneur." Somehow, the currency of job titles on the apps has converted "entrepreneur" to translate to "jobless." I don't know who decided it, but they did. Remember, you can always just leave the job section blank, too.

3. Ask Your Friends To Help You Pick Out Profile Pictures

It's not weird, it's just going to get you more matches. Masculinity might have taught you that it's "dumb" to try to get women to come to you, but it's not. I really appreciate a nice, curated set of pictures that actually display what a match looks like. Ask your single friends to help. I promise your match rate will go up.

4. Maybe Post Fewer Pictures With Sunglasses

I know, I know. We all look better in sunglasses; Ray-Ban designed them that way. But there have been times where I have matched with a really cute, fun looking guy on the apps, but he was wearing sunglasses in all of his pictures and I immediately thought "Hmm... is he hiding something?" I don't know what that "something" would be... fake eyelashes? Gorgeous blue eyes? I want to know!

5. Propose A Specific Date And Time To Go Out

This is tricky, because when I've asked guys out, if I've specified a date and time too soon, it comes across as a little creepy. However, I personally really like when someone proposes a date and time to grab a drink or dinner, because then we can get straight to the point. Messaging back and forth is borrrrrrring. I just want to see if we have chemistry in person, you dig?

I hope these resolutions help, and I'm betting that they will. Also, have fun out there.

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