Being in a relationship isn’t all sunshine and daisies, as much as it may seem like that on the outside looking in. Relationships are hard work, and most of them require some sort of compromise. Hopefully, there’s compromise on both ends, and you’re each working on becoming better for each other and for yourselves. But if you feel like the compromise is more one-sided than it should be, there are red flags that you’re compromising too much in your relationship, and according to experts, you should definitely keep an eye out for them.
If you find yourself to be giving too much of yourself in a relationship that gives you nothing in return, you might want to consider taking a step back and thinking about whether or not you're OK with that. If you’re compromising too much of yourself, your values, and your ideals, then you could end up getting more hurt than you can imagine. The thing is, there are quite a few things most couples compromise on that are totally normal to, so what's healthy, and what isn't?
"Compromise is part of a healthy relationship. It can be as simple as which restaurant to go to for dinner or which movie to see," Susan Ball, self-love activist and women’s freedom coach, tells Elite Daily. "Healthy compromise is part of growing together to achieve a common goal. Healthy comprise does not have a winner or a loser and they are not selfish (unhealthy mindset). It is really about how can we make this work so we are both feel happy and fulfilled."
However, it can get to a point where you’re compromising too much, and you need to reevaluate. Here's how you know you're going the extra, extra mile.
If you're compromising on issues such as whether or not to go to church or how often you hang out with your friends without your partner, you might be compromising too much. According to Ball, an important thing to look out for is that you start to feel off.
"I know that sounds cliche but if you had a lot of interests, friends, family, a great job, and independence and now you find yourself with none of those things, you have given in and given up way too much," she says. "You have become a person-pleaser and in the process sacrificed all that was important and loved by you."
So first, look inside.
If you’re compromising too much in a relationship, then you’re probably not getting a real say in a lot of the decisions you and your partner are making together. And that’s really not OK. According to Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach, another sign that you’re compromising too much is if "You've made a decision but you keep thinking about it, rehashing the argument and the options,” she tells Elite Daily. "This is a sign that you are not comfortable with the agreement and that the compromise does not satisfy you."
Maybe you both decided you would move in with them and out of your apartment. If you're constantly thinking about alternatives to that, or plan B's, then you might be compromising too much and need to re-evaluate if it's really what you want.
You never always get what you want. That’s just the cold, hard truth of life. But if you're in a relationship and constantly aren’t being satisfied, or your partner is ruling over everything, then you’re probably compromising too much of yourself, relationship and wellness coach Shula Melamed tells Elite Daily.
"If you are in a situation where you feel you can't voice your dissatisfaction with the compromises because of the repercussions you might suffer, you may be being controlled by your partner," she tells Elite Daily. "You are not getting any of your needs fulfilled emotionally, psychologically or sexually because of the amount you are compromising."
So again, evaluate how you're feeling, because you shouldn't always be let down by your partner.
Sadly, if you don’t realize how much you’re compromising in your relationship, you could end up feeling angry and resentful toward your partner, Fehr emphasizes. If you're compromising too much, "Eventually, this solidifies into resentment, because your needs and desires were not actually met," she says. "Resentment is like a poison in the psyche that continues to erode your own confidence in having your needs met and feeling respected and honored. There can be resentment for yourself for giving up something that you value or need; there can also be resentment towards your partner over the injustice of the situation and for them having more of what they want."
So if you're annoyed, frustrated, or just plain angry with your significant other and can’t understand why, it may be a matter of compromise.
Last, but certainly not least, you may be compromising too much if your partner has talked you out of doing activities and hobbies you used to love. If your partner doesn't like something you do, that's fine. But, Ball says, "If he says 'I didn't enjoy that and I don't think it's good for you,' or 'I would prefer you didn't go,' the answer is no. Keep doing what interests you. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you love."
Pay attention to how you're acting, and how your partner is reacting. You shouldn’t change who you are for a relationship, and if you do, you're probably compromising too much. Take a step back, and have a conversation with your partner. Love is a two-way street!
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