April Fools' Day brings me deep anxiety. Well, almost everything brings me anxiety: subway platforms, the threat of nuclear war, the weird bump on my elbow... I'm extra. But I really hate when I expect things to go one way, and they go an entirely opposite, terrible way. (See: the panic attack I suffered when my accountant told how much I owed the IRS this year.) I don't like surprises — sue me. (Actually don't, re: taxes.) I think the meanest April Fool's pranks are those that get someone's hopes up before crushing them into morsels smaller than Doritos dust.
Have I had a Doritos-related April Fools' Day prank pulled on me, you ask? No, but I'm sure you could come up with something extra creepy to put inside a bag of Cool Ranch to scare your partner. Yes, that's right, I said "partner." If you are looking to get out of your relationship, April Fools' Day is actually a really great day to do it. You can be mean and funny at the same time!
If you're looking for a very cowardly, rude, and possibly viral way to break up with your partner, just pull one of these incredibly mean pranks on them. JUST KIDDING! Here are five completely cruel April Fools' tricks that you should never, ever play on someone you love, even a little bit.