Chemistry is one of those things that you either have with someone or you don't. You can't force chemistry, but when you meet someone new and you have it, it's an incredible rush. So, what are the early signs of emotional chemistry that you should be keeping an eye out for when you're dating someone new? Is it something that happens immediately? Or is it something that builds over time? How long do you have to wait to be sure?
I don’t know about you, but I'm impatient, especially if I'm talking to someone new who I really like. So naturally, I want to know right away if the chemistry I'm feeling is just sexual or if there's something deeper there, too. Not that there's anything wrong with just having sexual chemistry, but if you're looking for more than something casual, then it's best to know if there's potential or not before you get too deep into your feelings. So, I reached out to NYC relationship expert Susan Winter to see what insights she could give us about early signs of emotional compatibility, or, as she describes it, "that instantaneous 'click' that we feel when we meet someone new. We immediately sense a connection that indicates we share a mutual understanding." Here's what she says to look out for.
I am terrible at small talk. I can have deep, interpersonal conversations for hours, but if I have to keep it light I run out of things to say pretty much immediately. So, when I meet someone and that conversation just flows, it feels like a miracle. But really, Winter tells Elite Daily it’s just a sign of emotional chemistry. When you're connecting on that level, "speaking to this person is not only easy, it's a delight. We don't need to explain ourselves or qualify our opinions. Our statements are understood as we meant them," Winter says.
One of the best ways we connect to one another is through laughter, so having a shared or similar sense of humor is a clear sign that a deeper chemistry exists. "Whether you're prone to sarcasm, wit, or just plain being goofy, a date [with a good emotional chemistry] understands your sense of humor and likes it," Winter told Elite Daily.
If you want to know if the chemistry is there, Winter says to ask how comfortable you are around the other person. She says if you feel "safe to express your thoughts and feelings without judgment," you're on the right track. Ultimately, chemistry is about energy and how the two of you vibe off one another. So, if "your new date's energy and attitude puts you at ease," then, according to Winter, there is a strong indication that you have good chemistry.
"There's a palpable difference with this person, and it feels easy and natural to be in his or her presence," she said.
Oftentimes, when you're with someone new, you feel pressure to act like someone you aren't, or to be a "better" version of yourself (you are perfect just the way you are, BTW), but when you have that instant spark of emotional chemistry, that pressure is gone.
"Your new date has the kind of vibe that allows you to be yourself," Winter said. "You automatically sense that you don't need to edit yourself, your statements, or your attitude. You can simply 'be.'"
The best indication that the chemistry is strong between you is that it just feels comfortable and right to be in their presence. You feel totally natural just going with the flow. When that happens, it's actually a special and unique experience.
"Flow doesn't happen that often with a new person," Winter says. "When it does, we take note," adding that the flow that exists with emotional chemistry places us and our date on the same wavelength, making conversation effortless and enjoyable.
Ultimately, emotional chemistry is one of those things you don't have to look hard for. If it’s there, you will know, because it's a powerful experience anytime you can really connect with someone without any self-doubt or awkwardness. So, if you sense the chemistry is there, don’t doubt yourself. Just enjoy the ride.
This post was originally published on May 9, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 8, 2019 by Elite Daily Staff.
