Are you getting ready for your first (or 20th) FaceTime date? As if dating wasn't challenging enough face-to-face, you now have to try and figure out if you have a connection and chemistry with someone through a screen. If that feels overwhelming and just a tad impossible, don't lose hope. You can rest assured that you're not the only one feeling that way. Having a few compatibility questions to ask on a FaceTime date can help you steer the conversation in a direction that can give you some actual insight. Honestly, your date will probably be grateful, since they're likely wondering the same things you are.
That's not to say a virtual date can't be a lot of fun or that you won't really get to know the other person this way. "FaceTime dates give you the opportunity to laugh together, create a shared experience while not in the same room, can offer you the opportunity to be vulnerable and ask critical questions to help you decide if you’re on the same page," Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, tells Elite Daily. The key though, she explains, is to keep the conversation light. "The difficulties arise when you make someone feel like they’re in a job interview to determine if you’re relationship-worthy," Spira says. "These types of questions include digging into someone’s past, or judging them on their belief system."
You don't need answers to all those questions to know if you're at least initially compatible. "Compatibility means that your goals and values are aligned, and both of you have behavioral traits that are suitable for a long-term relationship. You also have enough chemistry to keep the relationship going and have a healthy amount of respect for each other," Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. Your focus should really just be to discover if you have common ground, which can help you determine if you want to see this person again. So, next time you're face-to... well, screen with someone interesting, consider asking them the following questions.
“What’s something that you love to do and why?”
This question may seem like your standard small talk, but Chong explains it can offer some fairly illuminating insights about your compatibility. “This will help you determine if this person's someone who has hobbies and interests, or if they don't have much going on in their lives,” says Chong. “The answer to ‘why’ will help you conclude if this person has any passion for what they love to do, which can indicate that they won't be needy in a relationship, given that they have a life outside of their romantic relationships.”
“What did you learn from your last relationship?”
The subject of past relationships might not be the first thing you want to ask about with a new date. If you feel like there’s a spark there, however, and you might want to see them again, it can give you some clue as to if you might be a good fit moving forward — or even if they're ready to. “This is a great question because how a person reacts can tell you a lot about how they left their last relationship and if they still have relationship baggage,” explains Chong. “If they grimace, vent, or don't want to talk about it, it can be a red flag. This is a person who hasn't settled their emotional pain and hasn't grown from their relationship experiences yet.”
“What are you grateful for in your life so far?”
This is a fun question because it's both lighthearted and can tell you a lot about who your date is. What they value and prioritize in their answer has the potential to be very telling. “This helps you conclude if this person is someone who thinks deeply and appreciates life, or someone who is more superficial,” says Chong.
“What’s your take on [recent event]?”
Not only is this question going to potentially give you some insight into your date's political leanings, but their answer can also indicate just how engaged in current events they are. If you follow the news closely, or you're politically active, knowing that you share the same values, passions, and intellectual curiosity is a big indicator of whether or not you could be a good fit for one another.
“When it’s safe to travel again, where's the first place you want to go?
While it might feel like social distancing is just how life is now, things will get back to normal at some point. Knowing that, it can help to get some insight into what that'll look like for your date. This can even tell you if you both want the same things in a post-pandemic life. For instance, if you're a traveler (or not), asking about their travel plans is a light and breezy way to covertly see if you're on the same page. “Comparing notes on vacation locales on your bucket list is always a lot of fun. Take it a step further and go on a virtual date by visiting those locations online together,” suggests Spira.
A FaceTime date might not be the most conventional way to get to know someone new, but that doesn't mean it can't be a lot of fun and allow you to connect. Take the time and ask the questions you want, so that when you can take your romance IRL, you’ll already know if they're a keeper.
Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women
Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships