Hello, world. It is I, a petty-ass girl living in a petty-ass world. And what better way to be petty than by blasting it on social media for the whole world to see and then cower in fear as they wonder if it's about them? OK, OK, let me slow down a little. Is being petty a good thing? Not necessarily. Are we all still guilty of it sometimes? Yes, absolutely. And what better way to get these frustrations out than with 280-character subtweets to call out your ex? I mean, considering Twitter is slowly but surely allowing users a whopping 280 characters to express their thoughts, now is the perfect time to get your 280-character subtweets in order.
However, let me just give you a fair warning. Odds are, if you have an ex, they follow you on Twitter, and you tweet something remotely relating to their heinous actions (or inactions), they're going to know this tweet is about them. So if you know your ex isn't the type to brush subtweets off their shoulder, you must be prepared for the potential sh*tstorm that might follow if you're going to tweet any of the examples below. Don't say I didn't warn you, fam.
1. For When They Won't Stop Throwing Out Likes On Your Social Media
Liking my sh*t on social isn't going to suddenly make me like you again, lol. After all, it just proves the memories are literally the only things you have left of me to keep grasping for. Keep double tapping those pics because you're sure as hell not tapping anything else. Oops.
I'm gonna need you to get off my social media, get on with your damn life, and get over yourself. Thanks.
2. For When They Keep Trying To Come Back Into Your Life
Isn't it funny how you can make it blatantly clear to someone that you want nothing to do with them, yet they still find ways to insert themselves back into your space and low-key ruin your life. You can slither right back into the hole you came out of now. Please and thank you.
Is it just me, or is every day you have to deal with an annoying ex National Snake Day?
3. For When You're Doing Just Fine, But You're Low-Key Petty AF And Also Hungry
What are the only differences between you and this extra large pepperoni pizza I'm about to happily inhale all by myself? Well, this pizza doesn't straight up lie to me all the time, and it can actually satisfy me. Y'all are both still greasy and crusty as f*ck, though. Stay mad.
You know how you start doing crazy things when you get hungry? Yeah, you don't need your ex. You're just hungry.
4. For When You Have Literally Anything Else To Worry About
A complete list of things I'm more concerned about than your irrelevant ass:
1. Saving the bees
2. My reflection because I am CUTE
3. An ant I saw on the ground on my way to work
4. Kylie Jenner's rumored pregnancy
5. Khloe's rumored pregnancy
6. Literally anything else. Really.
What doesn't matter? A dumb ex and their irrelevant opinions. What does matter? Saving the bees, which are essential to the balance of our ecosystem but are dying at an alarming rate.
5. For When You're Just High-Key Petty AF
Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss. My. Assssssss.
Simple, but effective.
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