As an avid watcher of rom-coms, I'm a total believer in the "spark." Sure, feeling that spark with someone on a date isn't everything, but I know I'm not alone in my desire to feel it. But finding that spark, or finding someone who you have chemistry with, with can be hard. It's difficult to tell if it's there right away, especially if you have mixed feelings when you meet. So if you're wondering what kind of things you’ll notice if there’s no spark on a date, then you're definitely not alone. You might think someone's beyond attractive, or have great conversation, but that doesn't necessarily mean there's a spark.
But first, what even is a spark? You've heard it described in rom-coms, but what does it actually mean? "A spark is a connection you feel when you're on a date with someone," Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of Mend, the breakup recovery app, tells Elite Daily. "It's going to feel a little different for everyone, and it also may not happen for everyone at the same time. " Additionally, Huerta adds that "a lot of people are really nervous on first dates, which might make the spark a little hard to find at first," so try not to worry too much on that first date if there wasn't a spark.
So, how can you tell that there really and truly is no spark?
"Do you feel more energized after the date?" Monica Parikh, dating and relationships coach at School of Love NYC, tells Elite Daily. "Or depleted and exhausted? Energy always flows from a higher vibration to a lower vibration. So, I'd be very cautious to spend time with anyone who is leaving you energetically depleted."
If you don't feel good after the date, then there probably weren't too many sparks.
Additionally, Parikh says that if you aren't already excited to see them again, the sparks aren't there. "Do you want to kiss this person?" she asks. "Get physically closer? Talk longer? See them again? If the answer is no, you're likely more friends than lovers."
During the date, if you're feeling bored or like you want to leave, then there likely aren't too many sparks flying around.
Additionally, Huerta says that you can tell whether or not there's a spark based on if you and your date have a lot in common. Look at "what their values are, their lifestyle and whether their idea of commitment aligns with yours," she says.
Finally, if you met your date on a dating app or you were set up and stalked their social media profiles before meeting, you might be a little disappointed when you meet in person if there are no sparks. "While you are on the date, you realize you like the version of them you saw on the app more than the real person," Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and relationship coach and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method tells Elite Daily. It might be awkward, but if you're not feeling it, and aren't excited to be there, then it's pretty safe to say there are no sparks.
Really, feeling a spark on a date isn't the end-all-be-all for what a relationship will turn into. "Be patient with yourself whether you feel the spark immediately or not," Huerta advises. "A spark is just one thing to look for on a date." Focus on the person, as the experts advise, and think about whether you can see a future with them.
