As a romantic relationship progresses, things will undoubtedly change and shift. You grow more accustomed to each other’s daily routines and personality quirks, and you start to learn more about what makes you both unique (for better or for worse). With this comes a level of comfort and ease that’s a hallmark of most serious relationships. It even shows up in your texting habits — the texting signs that someone is comfortable around you are super sweet and genuine. They reveal just how much trust you’ve built in your relationship.
The way you text says a lot about the level of honesty you share together. After all, texting is an important form of communication… you’re probably doing it every single day! And according to linguist and researcher Michelle McSweeney, it’s a good way to measure how safe you feel around each other. “There are some really important features of a secure, healthy relationship that can be spotted in the language couple use,” she tells Elite Daily. “When the messages become more familiar and less constructed, you know that you've hit a new level.” As you become more comfortable with each other, you display less rigid patterns of texting.
What exactly does this look like? Every couple’s texting style is slightly different, but in general, here are the signs that your partner is super comfortable with you.
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Maybe early on in your relationship, your partner sent you creative emojis that went perfectly with the message they were trying to convey. That’s cute and fun, but it takes a lot of work to search for a new emoji every time! The truth is that most emoji users have certain favorites they gravitate toward again and again. “It may seem counterintuitive, but if things are going well, you may hit a phase where most of your messages have the same features,” McSweeney explains.
There are a couple different reasons for this. First of all, you’re no longer performing for one another. Second, “you know each other better, so [you] know how to communicate,” McSweeney says. Your texting has gotten more efficient and less showy — it’s more authentic to who you are.
If your significant other is someone who really cares about grammar and punctuation, they probably monitored their texts closely for typos when you first started seeing each other. But now, you notice they misspell words and don’t bother to correct them. “Rarely are typo corrections essential for communication,” McSweeney tells Elite Daily. “More often, correcting typos is about identity performance and portraying the person you want to be. But when someone who almost always has either perfect or corrected messages starts letting a typo slide here and there, you know you've hit a phase of total comfort.”
Ordinary details are a part of life. And while you might want to avoid topics like work complaints or the way your roommate hogs the TV every weekend on the first few dates, you’ll start discussing these topics more often as time goes on. “The texture of a daily life becomes more relevant as your lives get more intertwined, and this is a big signal for intimacy,” McSweeney notes. When your partner starts sharing these little daily details with you, you’ll know they feel secure enough to let you in on the less sexy aspects of their life.
Maybe it’s a “good morning” text everyday when you first wake up, or maybe it’s a regular ritual of sharing how your day went. Whatever your routine looks like, it’s evidence of a strong bond. “It's creating a special bond that only the two of you share,” McSweeney explains. She calls it a “secret code” that couples develop in their texting routines. If your partner sends you a similar text each day, you can rest assured that they feel safe with you.
It’s worth noting that these signals won’t show up the same way for every couple. McSweeney says that intimacy is built differently in every relationship, but in general, you know you’ve reached new levels of comfort when you’re both thinking less about the messages you send. And what’s most important is that you’re communicating in a way that makes both partners feel valued. “Securely attached couples respect each others' time, space, and boundaries,” she says. “If the couple has an overall pattern of general kindness and support, you can be sure that the couple has a secure attachment.”
Whether or not bae sends you tons of emojis and typos when they text, if their messages feel less intricately crafted as time goes on, you’re headed down a good path together. And this means you can both feel safe sending that dancer girl emoji to your heart’s content… or whichever type of message floats your boat.
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