Let's be real: When you're dating someone new, it isn't always easy to interpret exactly how you feel about them. The process of dating is pretty much guaranteed to bring people into your life who you feel strongly attracted (or unattracted) to. Unfortunately, one of the toughest dating dilemmas to navigate is feeling lukewarm. Learning how to accurately spot the signs you're just not that into someone is a crucial part of getting the most out of your single life. According to Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, giving yourself enough time to see if your feelings can grow stronger without treading water is key.
"The biggest 'trick' with dating is giving a relationship enough time to form without wasting your time or the other person’s if there is no connection there," Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. "The balance is critical because very few relationships start and continue at a high level of interest and engagement. There will always be ups and downs, higher levels of interest and lower, but the key is to look at the 'average.'" If you're feeling good about the relationship more often than not, then that's a good sign. However, if you suspect it might be time to move on to a more promising prospect, here are some signs you're probably not that into them.
1. It's hard to give them your full attention.
When there's potential with someone, getting to know them should be fun. However, if you struggle to stay mentally present, this could be a red flag that there isn't enough interest to pursue a relationship. "If you're trying to be engaged in the conversation, (and they may not necessarily be boring) but you just can’t seem to stay interested enough in what they're saying to stay with them, this is not a good sign," says Dr. Klapow. "Once in a while is fine, if it’s a pattern then there is a lack of mutual interest."
2. Dating them feels like work.
When you've found a solid match, even if your feelings are taking a while to catch up, you should still be able to have fun and enjoy their company. According to NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter, if spending time with someone feels like work, they're probably not the right fit for you. "If you're not motivated, and the time together feels more like an obligation than a choice," it may be time to say goodbye, Winter tells Elite Daily.
3. You don't make them a priority.
Making time to see someone is necessary for a meaningful connection to grow. "If when they ask to see you, you stall or push back the time table for meeting, then they're not a priority," warns Winter. If you start to notice you're avoiding someone, it's important to be honest about your lack of interest so they can move on.
4. You just don't feel 'it.'
Even if you're dating someone who's amazing on paper, if after a few dates your gut starts telling you something's not right, then this is reason enough to keep stepping. "You may like them, you may have interest in their interests, you may find them attractive objectively, but nothing is puling you to want to be with them more and more," explains Dr. Klapow. "There's no physical pull or attraction to them."
Ultimately, telling someone you're not interested in dating them anymore is tough, but it's so important to be honest about your feelings as soon as you've figured them out. However, it's also a good idea to remember that there's no rush. Some connections take longer to build than others, and that's OK. But once you know deep down that you don't really want to be with someone, it's time to kindly cut them loose.
Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show
Susan Winter, relationship expert