Have you ever been on a date with someone and, while it wasn't exactly bad, let's just say your heart didn't skip any beats? Well, that's probably a sign there was no chemistry on your date, because when you have it, you know it. It feels exciting, surprisingly comfortable, and like you might not be able to resist kissing your date's face at any moment. Yeah, it's pretty great. But what exactly is it and why do you have it with some people and not others? "Chemistry is the x-factor, the curious attraction that's inexplicable. When people say, 'it hits you like a ton of bricks' or 'you know when you know,' chemistry is part of what they’re talking about," Nina Rubin, a certified coactive coach, tells Elite Daily.
Whether or not you have instant chemistry with someone can actually come down to your flirting styles meshing, as Connell Barrett, Dating Transformation founder and dating coach with The League, tells Elite Daily. "Just as we have different love languages, we have different flirting languages. For example, some people flirt in a very playful, teasing way — sort of like a schoolboy who pulls the pigtails of the girl he likes," Barrett says. "Others flirt in a more sincere, heart-to-heart way. They share and are emotionally vulnerable. A Teaser and a Feeler will struggle with chemistry because their blueprints don’t match up. But if you get two Teasers together, look out — they’re like a couple from a rom-com, bantering and challenging each other. The chemistry is through the roof."
Recognizing you have chemistry with someone's pretty straightforward, as that click is unmistakable. But here's where it gets tricky. Not all chemistry is immediately apparent, and sometimes takes a bit longer to build, according to Brenda Della Casa, a relationship coach and author of Cinderella Was A Liar. "Unless there's been major discomfort or disrespect of any kind, giving a chemistry-free date a second chance is usually a good idea," she tells Elite Daily. "Perhaps your date got some bad news they didn't feel comfortable sharing, things didn't go as they planned with the reservation, they forgot deodorant and are freaking out internally (yes, it happens), or their boss just sent a cryptic text and they're feeling a little preoccupied. Giving a second chance is also a great way for you to be sure."
The question then becomes: How do you know when the chemistry's really just not there with a date? It turns out there are a few tell-tale signs to look for that mean you're just not on the same page.