You just got back from The Worst First Date Ever, and you're starting to question why you ever leave your apartment. Your feet have blisters. You're still hungry. And a happy relationship seems further in the past than plastic straws and pink Motorola Razrs. Though you're ready to throw in the metaphorical towel, you realize you could throw on a literal towel — after taking a bath and doing a face mask that is. And as you pour yourself a drink and light your favorite candle, you might think about some self-care routines to try when you're looking for love.
While dating around can be fun and exciting, meeting new people and constantly putting yourself out there can be exhausting. When all your friends have adorable partners and everyone seems so happy and calm, being single might feel like a bit of a buzzkill. Of course, you're a glowing angel, and you are destined for a love story that makes The Notebook look like Finding Nemo. (That's like, the least romantic movie ever right?)
Build Your Own Confidence
After a breakup or a string of terrible first dates, it's natural to feel a little down on your dating luck. And while a pity-party for one may initially feel appealing, (and trust me, everyone deserves some nights to cry into your laptop as you marathon Kate Hudson movies) building up your own confidence will help you find the love you're looking for. "When we date without confidence, we are slowly becoming unhappier because we are telling ourselves we’re not as important," career and life coach Jenn DeWall, tells Elite Daily. "Confidence is our belief in yourself, your values, and your capabilities. It is a feeling that we are worthy to be who we are and worthy of achieving and having what we want in life."
When dating starts to feel like a drag, it's easy to forget how amazing you are or what you're really looking for in a relationship. To better understand the kind of partner you're looking for, DeWall suggests doing exercises like writing a list of your top five values in relationships or listing all the things you like about yourself. You are a rock star that anyone would be lucky to date. And you deserve to have your standards met by your potential boos.
Call Your Besties
There's no question, a night out with your friends is certainly a different vibe than a romantic date night. And while you may be craving sexy talk and butterflies in your stomach, sometimes all you really need is the security and warmth of a loving friendship. Romantic relationships aren't the only types of relationships. If you're feeling lonely or a little disconnected, call your besties and plan a night for friendship and fun. Hit up an old pal and see if they want to get mani-pedis. Take your sister to the new sushi place down the street. Surround yourself with the people you love, who love you, just as you are. "No one can help build that confidence like your BFF," DeWall says.
BYOP (Be Your Own Partner)
You deserve to treat yourself no matter your relationship status. If there's been a tapas place you've been dying to try or a public gardens you've always wanted to visit, take yourself out for a special "you" day. Treat yourself the way you would treat your partner, and do the things you would do if you were celebrating someone else. Drink the fancy wine. Go to the movies in the middle of the day. Order dessert. Take a salsa dancing class. You don't need a date to go on your dream date. When you're following your own bliss, and finding what makes you happy, you're likely to remember just how vibrant and fulfilling your life is already.
Though looking for love can seem as fruitless as looking for a specific bodysuit in the sale section of a suburban Forever 21, you are a shining star, and you find the person for you. If you're starting to doubt yourself or are feeling frustrated in journey for love, try hitting up your bestie or writing down all the things you're good at. While sharing your love with a partner is special, loving yourself is what life's all about.
Jenn DeWall, career and life coach