Life makes sense when there's balance; balance between work and play, between your friends and your partner, between your feelings for your partner and their feelings for you. But when balance isn't met, life can get a little rocky — especially when it comes to your love life. If you start feeling a lack of balance between yourself and bae, you might begin to notice several red flags your partner isn't as interested in you as you are in them. When this happens in any relationship new or old, it can be disheartening and concerning, but fret not. I reached out to a few experts for their help in compiling a list of red flags to watch out for, so you can protect your heart.
Relationships take work from both parties, and when one person is putting in all the work, the relationship can quickly become one-sided. "If you are in a committed relationship, then you want parity and equality, ideally, so being more interested in your partner than they are in you is a terrible feeling and a good sign that the relationship isn't working for you," Caroline Millet, Seattle-based Three Day Rule matchmaker, tells Elite Daily. "You want give and take — sometimes you need your partner more and sometimes, they need you more. If you find yourself [being] the one always giving, it becomes too unbalanced to sustain over time." Below, the red flags experts say will help you know to take a step back.
"You can tell if you're more into your partner than they are into you if you're doing more work than they are for the relationship, such as texting more, initiating time together more, discussing the relationship needs more, etc.," licensed psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher tells Elite Daily. While you may just have more time (or you like putting in the work), if your partner doesn't even try to help you, it could be a sign that they're not as committed to the relationship as you are, Dr. Fisher says. It may be hard to notice at first, but over time, you'll start to realize the things the two of you have done together have only happened because of the work you've put in, and that's not OK.
"Another red flag would be a noticeable difference in eagerness and enthusiasm when talking about and interacting in the relationship," Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, tells Elite Daily. But, just because you feel like you're more excited to spend time with your partner than they are to spend time with you, that may not always be the case. "People have their own way of showing interest and oftentimes, they’re expressed differently and perceived to be more or less than someone else’s," Edwards explains. It's possible you and your partner may express your excitement and eagerness in different ways. If, however, you used to always be able to tell that they were excited to spend time with you, and now you can't, that may be a sign that there's more to their lack of eagerness.
One person putting more work into the relationship than the other from time to time is understandable. Life happens, and there will be times when you and your partner need the other to go the extra mile because there's too much on one of your plates in that moment. But, when your partner constantly refuses to reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship, it could be a bad sign. "It often feels inequitable and lopsided. That results in resentment and discomfort," life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily. "They don’t text back promptly. They don’t make long-term plans. They are squirmy when having vulnerable talks. They show up late to your dates. You constantly feel like you’re initiating plans, contact, and they say 'yes' but don’t reciprocate [the effort]."
When we love someone, we often hold them to a higher standard, and while that's not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes we project an unrealistic image onto them and expect them to live it up to it, Rubin explains. "Or, we value their qualities and think they will add to our lives in such a way to make us feel closer and more admiring of them than may be the reality." So, it's important to note whether or not your partner's withdrawal is really a red flag, or if you're simply projecting onto them what you think they should be doing.
If you feel like it is, indeed, something they're doing and not something you're projecting, then the best thing you can do is sit them down and communicate. Tell them what you're feeling, and why you're feeling it, and go from there. Communication is key after all, right?
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
