Dating apps have improved the dating process in so many ways, most of all because they've made it so convenient. There are probably hundreds of people in your area that you otherwise probably wouldn't have the chance to meet and fall in love with, just sitting in your pocket. But for all the good things about dating apps, the one thing they haven't made easier is rejecting someone. It basically always sucks, but you can make it suck less by having polite rejection messages to send on dating apps ready, if you're ever just not feeling it.
Sure, you could ghost someone, and if that person is being a creep then by all means Casper away. You definitely do not owe someone who's harassing you a gentle rejection. However, in most cases, letting someone down easy is the best policy. So, to help with this, I reached out to Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships for her advice on what to say to someone you're chatting with when you realize it's going nowhere. We've all been there, and it's super awkward. Here's what Spira had to say.
In an ideal world, everyone you match with would be, well, a match. More often than not, though, you may find some reason why they're just not someone you're feeling in that way. “Sometimes when you match on a dating app, you can get a change of heart, and decide they really weren’t a fit,” Spira tells Elite Daily. In that case, you have a choice to make, she says: Whether to be clear about how you’re feeling or just cut off communication.
“Either way, if you have an opportunity to take the high road and send a message back to someone who took the time to look at your profile and wrote a nice message to you, you should do so.” Again, that's unless they are making you feel uncomfortable. If that's the case, all bets are off.
Knowing that you should let someone down easy and know how to do it are two very different things, but Spira says it doesn’t have to be that complicated. Here is what she suggests:
“Hi (insert name). Thanks for your message, but I don’t think we’re a fit, as the geography would make it challenging. I wish you the best of luck with your search.”
“Hi (insert name). Thanks for reaching out. I’m more comfortable dating someone closer in age to myself, but I hope you find someone amazing on this app.”
“Hi (insert name). Thanks for your message. I’m more of a bookworm, and you’re super active, and I’m just not a fan of water sports. I hope you find someone to catch a wave with.”
While these messages will need to be catered to your own situation’s specifics, the key here is that the emphasis is on being a mismatch, rather than a rejection of them as a person. “Rejection sucks, and to let someone know you aren’t interested because of distance, activity level, or age, it’s an easy out, allows you to take the high road, and doesn’t put the person getting rejected down,” explains Spira
Letting someone down on a dating app doesn’t have to be that complicated, although Spira says there are a few things to steer clear of. “Whatever you do, don’t use the [weak] and common excuse of, ‘I just met someone on this app and want to see where it goes,’ when you keep your profile up. It’s dishonest, and it also makes you look like a sneaky person,” she warns.
Of course, whenever possible, Spira recommends to be the change you want to see in the world and not ghost. “If you’ve been chatting for a while, even talked on the phone, and decided not to meet, your first instinct is to ghost the person and move on to another potential date, but no one wants to get ghosted," she stresses. "If a person reaches out to you more than once, and you’re not replying at all, [consider] sending a simple note saying, ‘Thanks for your interest, but I didn’t think we really connected that well. I hope you find someone awesome.'"
While rejecting someone isn’t always easy, it does get better with practice and time. While your priority should always be your safety and comfort when online dating, it's still nice when to let people down politely when you can. After all, there is another person on the other end of that dating app chat, which can sometimes be easy to forget.
