I've always been someone who clings to their pride after a breakup like it was the last emotional life raft on a sinking ship. That has mostly kept me from doing anything too cringey afterwards... mostly. I've definitely done the post-breakup drive-by, but my peak cringe was "accidentally" texting them messages that were "meant" for someone else in the hope that it would make them realize belatedly that I was "the one" and cue the happily ever after. Shocker, it never worked. Embarrassing, sure, but when it comes to things people did after a breakup and then confessed on Reddit, honestly it barely registers on the cringe-o-meter. And I'm very OK with that.
But just because I don't act out (as much as I really want to) after a breakup, that doesn't mean I can’t live vicariously through folks who do go there after a split. There's something cathartic about hearing stories of folks who really just lived their truth or who took the low road during their breakup blues. Burn all the bridges, scorch all the earth, and then let's pop some popcorn and embrace the secondhand embarrassment together, because I promise you the cringe is strong with these stories.
He cheated on me in my own bed for four of the five years we were together. He then proceeded to tell me every "I love you" was a lie and he always wished I was her. I scrubbed my toilet with his toothbrush and… I sprayed my perfume all over the inside of that car. Cheat on me? You'll remember my perfume for a long, long time.
Texted her a bunch of Game of Thrones spoilers. She only watches the show.
Sent nude pics to her new bf and everyone on his friend list.
F***d one of his family members when I found out he cheated on me. He was hot too, so didn't even feel bad about it
Post Breakup Hair Cut: Had really long hair and cut it into a "bob". Hair stylist messes up bob and cuts shorter. Still trying to grow my hair back out to length (5 years since not even close)
Partied away $10k and almost lost my job. Aahh...good times.
Let him live for me for three months after, rent free, helping very little, and letting him cry on my couch every so often about this girl at work that he thought really really really liked him, kissed him (while we were in a huge grey area), and decided she didn't want s*** to do with him after that. I have been driving myself insane with my broken heart from him, and his broken heart from her, and she still would rather spend time talking to me, and going out to lunch with me.
I can say definitively that most of the cringeworthy things I've done I have forever blacked out of my memory, but there is one that definitely oozes through he cracks and makes me vomit. I took my gf of a year too my friends house and she ended up staying with some guy she met there. I ended up finding his number from a friend and called him while crying and sobbing telling him about how much he hurt me. This all happened while she was still there with him. I was definitely on speaker phone and he pretty much just kept saying stuff like "calm down buddy" and "I think you better go". It was atrocious. Don't cry to the stranger your gf left you for especially when she's in the room.
I'd go places I knew she sometimes went on the off chance that I would run I to her and we would talk. In my head we would talk for a little bit and then we'd go somewhere like a coffee shop and she'd remember why she loved me and we'd get back together. In reality I was a weird creepy stalker ex boyfriend.
Got drunk on three 40s of Olde English on top of my SSRI, texted her and told her that I missed her. I get back "I'm sorry, who is this?" I respond that I'm "someone who wishes he was dead." Five minutes later, I'm down in the conference room of my dormitory with a cop, a resident assistant, and a resident director (who also happens to be one of my work superiors), drunk, sobbing, and explaining how I got in this spot. I ended up having to do this again (minus the drunkenness and most of the sobbing) to two different deans, and they stuck me with the college equivalent of a restraining order. The whole thing was great for my confidence, really.
when my freshman year boyfriend broke up with me and immediately got a new girlfriend, I had some sort of insane vendetta against her. I made up a load of shit that she said and did to me in the bathroom one day. There was no one else in the bathroom so there was no one to say she didn't do it and my school had a no bullying policy so they believed me and obviously thought she was lying to get out of trouble. She got in school suspension for three days and I got everyone to start calling her "lunatic" which was a play on her last name. Turned out that I was the lunatic.
I told everyone he cheated on me with his brother. Because they had a weird f***ing relationship and it was a huge problem when we dated. I also told everyone that he wouldn't move in with me because he didn't wanna get a job, when actually he just wanted to work on his car.
We broke up and he had a new girlfriend about a week later. She was in my math class. He asked me for his Iron Maiden shirt back, I peed on it, let it dry outside and brought it to school the next day. By 5th period, she was wearing it! They both still don't know. No regrets.
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