When you're meeting up in person with someone you only chatted with for a little while on a dating app, the chances of you wasting your time go up tenfold. But having some questions to ask on Tinder to help you figure out whether you and your match are looking for similar opportunities out of life will help you get ahead of the game. This way, you don't throw two hours of your life away on someone you weren't really interested in in the first place.
Because let's be real: A person can seem great in their profile pictures but be absolutely horrible in real life. Even though it's definitely easier to get to know somebody in person, exchanging a few lines of text to make sure the person isn't a complete jerk can be really productive. It helps you refine what you are looking for, while also being selective about whom you choose to spend time with. When you start to value your own time more, others will, too. It won't be too long before you find someone who values you completely and wants to be with you.
Here are the questions you should ask so you can be clear upfront and start meeting the people you really want to get to know.
1. "What Are You Looking For On Here?"
They might say that they are looking to have fun and actually be open to falling in love; they might say that they are tired of dating around and just want to meet someone special and get cold feet. But still, asking what someone is looking for gives you a decent idea of whether you're in for a one-night stand or the potential for something that lasts.
2. "What Did You Get Up To Last Weekend?"
Don't underestimate the importance of having compatible lifestyles with the person you're potentially dating. If you're a bookworm homebody who likes to be in bed by 10 p.m. on Saturday, then you might have reservations about going out with a nocturnal club kid. Having a completely different work/life schedule from your Tinder crush can prevent your relationship from getting off the ground, so get a feel for it ahead of time before going out on that first date.
3. "How Do You Feel About Open Relationships?"
This question can be a litmus test before heading out on a first date. If someone staunchly advocates that all relationships should be open, and you are a serial monogamist, then you shouldn't have to compromise what you want just because you matched with one cute person on Tinder. Keep swiping, and you'll eventually land on someone who makes sense for you.
4. "What Did You Dress Up As For Halloween?"
It's still close enough to the holiday to gauge whether your Tinder match had a racist or culturally appropriative Halloween costume — in which case, you can drop some knowledge on them, if you feel like it, before unmatching them — or if they came up with something funny and clever. Or if they ate all the candy and fell asleep before the trick-or-treaters even showed up, in which case, you probably matched with my soulmate.
5. "What Do You Do For Money?"
If you could never respect someone who serves coffee for a living, you shouldn't waste their time by taking them on a date. If you could never respect someone who works on Wall Street, you can still try to get as much money out of them as possible before sending them an article on the lasting implications of the 2008 financial crisis and ghosting.
6. "Where Were You Born And What Time?"
Never underestimate the importance of figuring out a person's birth chart. You'll want to pay special attention to their Venus sign, which will tell you how they are in love, and their Mars sign, which tells you how they are in sex and taking action.
7. "How Long Did Your Previous Relationship Last?"
Once, I went on a date with someone who hadn't been in a serious relationship since he was in high school. (His 10-year reunion was coming up.) Our date was pretty unfulfilling, and the dude had some serious issues with intimacy. I wasn't looking for a long relationship at the time, but I probably wouldn't have hung out with him if I had known about this before because I would have been able to guess that he wouldn't have remembered how to treat someone kindly.
8. "How Often Do You Think About The Apocalypse?"
If you are someone who thinks about how you will survive when capitalism falls, you're going to want to go on a date with someone who at least has a marginal interest in your plans for a fall-out shelter. On the flip side, if you think the apocalypse is something humans worry about every century, but that we can survive whatever the planet throws at us, dating a survivalist probably doesn't have that much appeal.
9. "What's Your Ideal Living Situation?"
If they love to live alone and need a ton of personal space, and you know that you like to see the person you're dating at least a few times a week, then boundaries are something to keep in mind. If their ideal arrangement sounds like something you want, then that's a great sign that you relate to people similarly and could have a strong compatibility.
10. "What City Would You Like To Live In Next?"
Even if it's just fantasy, talking about your hopes for the future in an open-ended way is much preferable to asking, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" If they have no dreams or ambitions whatsoever and don't even entertain flights of fancy, then you might find that your Tinder match is just a little bit boring. Even if they're nice, you don't live life at the same scale. That's perfectly fine — as long as you don't waste one another's time.
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