Deciding to walk down the aisle and vowing to spend your entire life with someone, through good times and bad, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, 'til death do you part, is a huge decision. And although I personally have never been married, I can't imagine not having some pre-wedding jitters. No matter how sure you are about someone, saying "I do" is a huge step to take, so it seems totally normal to have some
second thoughts before the wedding, right?
do people usually have doubts about before their weddings? And, more importantly, are they right to have doubts? Is it a mistake to get married? Are they filled with regret because they didn't listen to that little nagging voice in their head before it was too late? I'm not panicking, you are! Ahem.
Turns out, I'm not alone in wondering what
doubts people have before tying the knot, and what those doubts mean for the future of the relationships. Folks on Reddit revealed the second thoughts they had before their weddings, and whether or not that fear was justified, below.
Some folks regret not listening to their guts.
Yeah I did. I basically got married so my boyfriend would stop being so possessive when I talked to other guys. I knew it was probably a stupid decision but I was 18 and figured it would just work itself out. It didn't.
nerdscallmegeek I married her anyway. Now two years later we are talking divorce because I didn't have the courage to tell her I wasn't ready.
OneMoreMile Yes. I had doubts for months and didn't call it off for fear of letting everyone down. 3 months after the wedding, I realized I had royally f***ed up, so I decided to leave. Still let everyone down, only worse because I got married rather than ending the engagement. Getting married is my only regret in life because I hurt so many people doing what I knew would ultimately be the only way for me to be truly happy.If anyone has doubts, they should do the opposite of what I did. I should have talked to my fiancé about my doubts rather than getting trapped inside my head and doing something I knew wasn't right. If there are doubts, don't do it.
Some still aren’t sure they did the right thing.
I found out some things shortly before our wedding date that I was not happy about. He had taken out several loans, which he promised me he would never do and also said he had no debt. I found the papers for both loans and a few more things when I was cleaning. It bothered me that he lied to me. We went to premarital counseling and he was a perfect angel. He said everything I wanted to hear. Since everything was paid for and invitations were sent out, I went through with the marriage. Our first year as a married couple was the worst year of my life. He told me he took his mother off his checking account and that she wasn't taking care of his bills anymore. I found papers to disprove that. So I was lied to again. He expected me to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, house maintenance, car repairs and take care of our shared bills all while running my own business. These last few months have been a little better only because he did not want to be kicked out. I was in the middle of packing all of his things when he decided he would compromise. I know from what I have said it doesn't seem like I love him, but I do. I am just upset that I have been lied to he could've made the entire experience amazing. Why he chose to be a jerk for so long is beyond me. I will say, if it ever gets like that again, I am done. Life is too short and he hasn't held up his end of the deal.
LustyShrimp Yes. And I still will sometimes have doubts. I love him, but at times I don't like him. And most things between the 2 of us we can eventually work through and come out stronger for it. However, his mother/parents are a MAJOR item of contention between us. It's the #1 thing we fight about. And it SUCKS so hard to have something 'else' be the thing that makes me doubt my relationship, not the relationship itself.
deltarefund I did have doubts, but not about my love and devotion for my fiance, but doubts that she was over her last boyfriend and if I could measure up. He was a college football player, finance major, from a wealthy family. She lived with him for 3 years at college. He was killed in a motor cross accident. She has a box of memorabilia hidden in the attic. Cards, pictures and things from their relationship. I know she frequently goes up there when I am not home and looks at those things. Her parents often mention him in my presence.
But sometimes, you do get your happy ending.
I had doubts. I spent my wedding day trying to decide if my love for him was enough to outweigh the issues we had. We are still married 2 1/2 years later, have a beautiful baby boy and I couldn't be happier with the place I am in my life. We fought for each other and with each other. I love my husband more than anything and I knew that we could overcome anything.
MrsLangley OMFG we're only 17 years old and have only known each other for 3 months. WTF are we doing? 34 years together this year
Drunk_Grandpa I sure did. During our engagement, a former love showed up and wanted me to run away with him. That guy was the one I had pined over forever. Needless to say, it greatly affected my relationship. But my then-fiance sat me down and told me that while I needed to make a choice, he would love me and support me no matter what. He was clear that my wavering absolutely hurt him, but he was willing to let me go if it would make me happy. It made it clear just how much he really loved me, compared to my lost love who was pushing me to make a rash and wild decision. It took me a while to sort through all of those feelings, but I ended up turning the other guy down. My husband and I have been married 8 years now. Life has thrown some big challenges in our way since then, but we have worked through them all together with love and understanding.
KawaiiTimes I did! On the day of the wedding. I started thinking, "oh s***! This is permanent. What if this is a huge mistake? What if 'John' isn't the right one for me? Oh gah he has a lot of baggage, etc..." I was panicking! My Dad looked at me and said, "Elizabeth, he is the right one. Nobody else is gonna put up with you." Hahahaha he was right! 3 years later I can't imagine life with anybody except for my wonderful husband! I think a moment of doubt before such a big commitment is normal. But I think if you're losing sleep over it or consumed by those thoughts, then you might need to take them seriously.
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