6. Take it slow. Perhaps the easiest way to improve your cunnilingus game is to simply slow things down. If your partner senses that you're savoring the experience as much as they are, it can help them relax and enjoy it even more, explains Jansen. Schuster also advises just taking it slow and letting your tongue do the work. “Your tongue is magic. Our tongues are one of the strongest muscles in our body — they move in precise ways to help us form words all day long. So use those muscles well,” they say. “Try a variety of different styles to see what your partner likes best: soft, firm, slow, fast, drier, wetter, flickers, slow licks, you get the idea.”
7. Know your clitoral anatomy. If you want to give great oral, it helps to really know your way around the equipment — specifically, the clitoris. “The external part of the clitoris has 5,000 nerve endings," says Schuster. "This means it's super sensitive, especially at the beginning of arousal. A super light, teasing touch is usually a great way to start."
8. Pay attention to body language. Your partner can be saying plenty without speaking a word with body language. Stay tuned into your partner's reactions and see what they respond well to. “If your partner pulls away from you slightly, that probably means the pressure was too intense. If they move their body a bit to the left (or any other direction), keep your mouth where it is, they might be trying to get you to shift a bit. But if they push into you or grab your head, then use more firm pressure,” says Schuster.
9. Just the tip. Some partners enjoy penetration, while, for others, it's just not as pleasurable. But Jansen says inserting just the tip of your tongue into the vagina and making circles can be incredibly pleasurable for both ends of the spectrum. “There are lots of nerve endings at the opening. And even those who generally don't like penetration can often enjoy the softness and wetness of a tongue that they can trust will not go in very far. Then lick up towards the underside of the clitoris, ending with a little suction on the clitoris,” she suggests.
10. Repetitive motion in the ocean. While there are various techniques you can use to get your partner to the point of orgasm, when it comes to the big finale, Schuster suggests finding the motion that your partner enjoys and sticking with it. “Nerve endings love repetitive motion,” they explain. “When your partner is close to orgasm, most likely they're going to want one motion, repeated as consistently as you can, so pay attention to what that motion is!”
Upping your oral sex game ultimately comes down to desire and the enthusiasm to do better. If you’re into it and your partner can feel that, you're already on your way to making the experience fun for them. Keep the experts' tips in mind next time you’re in the bedroom and things are about to go down — literally.
Carlyle Jansen, sex therapist and founder of Good For Her.
Elise Schuster, a sexuality educator and co-founder of okayso.