Oral sex is just about as intimate as you can get with your partner, and perhaps the only thing more satisfying than receiving great oral is knowing you blew your partner away with your skills. Whether you're super confident in your techniques or not, it never hurts to have a few new oral sex tips to try and take your next romp to a whole new level. Learning to be a more skilled lover can be challenging, but Elise Schuster, a sexuality educator and co-founder of the app okayso, tells Elite Daily it's absolutely worth pursuing. "Sex is a journey, not a destination, so there's always room to learn and try new things that will enhance our partner's pleasure or even our own," Schuster tells Elite Daily. "We might discover something new that blows our minds... the more tools we have in our toolbox, the better."
Not only will having better oral sex be great for you and your partner in the moment, but it can actually have an overall impact on your sex life, Carlyle Jansen, sex therapist and founder of Good For Her, tells Elite Daily. "Sex skills are very important to build confidence in offering pleasure, preventing boredom and lack of desire for sex, adding variety, and ensuring everyone has as much pleasure as they want!" Jansen says. If you feel like spicing things up and elevating your oral game, here are some tips to try tonight.
If You're Going Down On A Penis-Owner
1. Show your enthusiasm. If you want your partner to enjoy receiving oral, let them know you're having a good time by showing your enthusiasm too, says Jansen. That being said, it can be hard to maintain the same level of excitement if you get tired out, so she suggests pacing yourself in a way where you can stay just as enthusiastic from start to, ahem, finish.
“Don't start with the classic up and down. Go slowly to draw out the pleasure including teasing your partner. The benefit is that it feels great. You also don't tire yourself out and get bored with the one-stroke before the time when your partner needs the extra pressure to come," Jansen explains. "When your partner is close, then you can do the up-and-down head bobbing for a minute or two at the end.”
2. Know your penile anatomy. If you want to give a great blow job, knowing exactly what you’re working with can help you better understand how to stimulate your partner effectively, says Schuster. “For penises, most of the nerve endings are around the head of the penis, there aren't as many in the shaft. So you want to focus your efforts on the head,” they explain.
Don't be afraid to give attention the surrounding areas too — specifically, the balls. “The balls are super sensitive and many people love having them played with during oral sex," says Schuster. "Check in with your partner to see if they like this, and if they do, try light touches around and between the balls. You can also use your mouth the same way."
3. Use your hands. Give yourself a helping hand — literally. “Use your mouth and hands in combination," suggests Schuster. Allow your mouth to focus on the head while your hands focus on the shaft. Your partner will feel their whole penis being stimulated but your mouth won't get as tired, and your tongue will be able to do some exploring. And don’t be afraid to use some pressure, adds Jensen. “Vulva owners are generally too gentle with penises. Let your hands help as an extension of your mouth. And if you put your hand (thumb and index finger) against your lips, your jaw will relax, preventing the uncomfortable jaw strain that can result,” she says.
4. Try new positions. If you struggle with your gag reflex, Jansen says trying different positions can help make going down more comfortable. “Extend your throat to make it more straight, as though you are looking up,” suggests Jansen. "This will make it much easier to take in your partner's penis, avoiding the gag reflex. This works well in a position where you're lying on your back and your partner stands off the edge of the bed.”
5. The wetter, the better. Think you don't need lube for oral sex? Schuster says think again. “Pleasurable stimulation is often about finding the right kind of friction and avoiding painful or uncomfortable friction. Some spit or some lube can go a long way towards creating some slippery fun that avoids any rough sensations,” they explain. Just make sure you don't use an oil-based lube if you're going to be using latex condoms or toys, says Jansen. Although it lasts longer than water-based lubricants, the oil will break down condoms and could cause them to tear.
If You're Going Down On A Vagina-Owner
6. Take it slow. Perhaps the easiest way to improve your cunnilingus game is to simply slow things down. If your partner senses that you're savoring the experience as much as they are, it can help them relax and enjoy it even more, explains Jansen. Schuster also advises just taking it slow and letting your tongue do the work. “Your tongue is magic. Our tongues are one of the strongest muscles in our body — they move in precise ways to help us form words all day long. So use those muscles well,” they say. “Try a variety of different styles to see what your partner likes best: soft, firm, slow, fast, drier, wetter, flickers, slow licks, you get the idea.”
7. Know your clitoral anatomy. If you want to give great oral, it helps to really know your way around the equipment — specifically, the clitoris. “The external part of the clitoris has 5,000 nerve endings," says Schuster. "This means it's super sensitive, especially at the beginning of arousal. A super light, teasing touch is usually a great way to start."
8. Pay attention to body language. Your partner can be saying plenty without speaking a word with body language. Stay tuned into your partner's reactions and see what they respond well to. “If your partner pulls away from you slightly, that probably means the pressure was too intense. If they move their body a bit to the left (or any other direction), keep your mouth where it is, they might be trying to get you to shift a bit. But if they push into you or grab your head, then use more firm pressure,” says Schuster.
9. Just the tip. Some partners enjoy penetration, while, for others, it's just not as pleasurable. But Jansen says inserting just the tip of your tongue into the vagina and making circles can be incredibly pleasurable for both ends of the spectrum. “There are lots of nerve endings at the opening. And even those who generally don't like penetration can often enjoy the softness and wetness of a tongue that they can trust will not go in very far. Then lick up towards the underside of the clitoris, ending with a little suction on the clitoris,” she suggests.
10. Repetitive motion in the ocean. While there are various techniques you can use to get your partner to the point of orgasm, when it comes to the big finale, Schuster suggests finding the motion that your partner enjoys and sticking with it. “Nerve endings love repetitive motion,” they explain. “When your partner is close to orgasm, most likely they're going to want one motion, repeated as consistently as you can, so pay attention to what that motion is!”
Upping your oral sex game ultimately comes down to desire and the enthusiasm to do better. If you’re into it and your partner can feel that, you're already on your way to making the experience fun for them. Keep the experts' tips in mind next time you’re in the bedroom and things are about to go down — literally.
Carlyle Jansen, sex therapist and founder of Good For Her.
Elise Schuster, a sexuality educator and co-founder of okayso.