Unlike you young whippersnappers, I remember what it was like when Marvin Gaye was the only person who was ever referenced for capturing sexual feelings. These days, there are memes about sex of every kind: tired sex, hungry sex, sex with different genders, sex as depicted on the hit HBO television series Game of Thrones. And thank goodness, because with the variety of sex that people are enjoying these days, you need the right image for capturing your feels. We might be well-adjusted freaks, but as confusing, complicated, funny, and downright weird as sex is, everybody still needs an outlet for expressing what it's like to be doing it when words alone won't suffice.
That's why I've rounded up the best sex memes I could find. If you are having sex right now, hopefully it is with someone who has the same sense of humor as you — because few things are as amazing as sharing some bedroom belly laughs. And even if you're not having sex with anyone besides yourself right now, I threw some memes in here for you, too. Because love is love, and it's time we recognized that self-love counts just as much.
1. When You Want Monogamy, But You're Going To Push Them As Far Away As Possible Instead
All I want is for us to fuse into the same person so we can be completely and permanently karmically bound, and I never have to find someone else to have sex with, but I'm going to pretend like I don't care about you because I also believe monogamy is inherently flawed.
2. When They Still Want You, Even When You Don't Feel Attractive
Forget what they say about soulmates. I'll believe that I have found one when my partner wants to make love even though I've gone all day without brushing my hair or my teeth.
3. When Your One-Night Stand Catches You Trying To Leave Their House In The Morning
Let's see, how do I explain this? I just want to go home with you, bang you three times, quietly get dressed in the morning while you pretend to sleep, slip out your door, and never call you. Is that too much to ask?
4. When You Haven't Been To Church In A Decade, But Your Catholic Guilt Rises Up Anyway
When I say my prayers at night, I'm like, "Are you there, God? If so, why are you peeping through my bedroom window?"
5. When You Haven't Had Sex In A While, But You're Still Getting Off All The Time
When my family asks me if I'm seeing anyone this Thanksgiving, I'm going to tell them, "Me and my vibrator are going on three years together, and we have never been more in love. Thanks for asking."
6. When They Compliment You On What A Good Lover You Are
Sometimes, it's just really hard to stay humble.
7. When You're Still Mad, But You Want To Skip To The Make-Up Sex
Also known as, I can't wait until this argument is over so we can finally be naked together again.
8. When You're More Excited About Your Leftovers Than Going For Round Two
Listen, I still love you, but right now, I love this cold slice of leftover pizza more.
9. When Everything They Say Turns You On
What's the word for someone who gets turned on by descriptions of food? Is this a kind of fetish? Am I a secret freak?
10. When You're So Cute, Nobody Would Ever Guess How Filthy You Are
I'm an animal, baby — a tiny, cuddly, sensitive rodent who is terrified of predators. Please ride me, very softly.
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