This Tortoise Saying 'Wow' During Sex Is All Of Us
We've all been there.
You're making sweet, sweet love to your partner (or your one night stand), and it feels so good that you can't help but whisper tenderly in their ear,
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
What's that? That's just me? Wow.
One male Aldabra tortoise was getting his scaly freak on with a female Aldabra tortoise and -- just like me -- could not stop saying "wow" during his hookup.
Yeah, get it, dude!
This reptile was so taken aback by the fact that he was getting a chance to go to Bone Town, USA (population: him) that he basically reenacted this viral Owen Wilson compilation.
Unfortunately for our mid-coitus tortoise, a third tortoise entered the sexual fray, and let's just say he was not into having a threesome.
Oh, you're probably disappointed, aren't you? You perverted sickos.
I don't approve!
But I digress...
Apparently, this third tortoise pushed the tortoise on top down to the ground, presumably before our friend could get his rocks off.
Whoa, that's not cool, dude. Talk about experiencing shell shock, am I right? Right?
I'm... I'm sorry. That crossed a line. All right, fine. It crossed several.
The original tortoise humping away ended up on his back, probably questioning how his Netflix and chill session ended up with him on the hard ground with a hard-on.
Of course, this isn't the first tortoise-related news story that involved sex.
One tortoise named Diego is almost single-handedly responsible for saving his species, he's done that much fucking.
In fact, he is father to around 800 children, which is roughly 40 percent of the entire population of the Chelonoidis hoodensis species of tortoise.
Whoa, if that's not an advertisement for wearing a condom, I don't know what is.
May we all have the same amount of wonderment when having "wow"-worthy sex as the tortoise in the video above.