The rapture is coming.
No, we're not talking about that awesome retro club tune remixed by Avicii. But here it is because you've been good.
So, the good news is we might all be there to see the end of the world on July 29.
The bad news is, everyone's going to die at the same time.
Here's how it's going to go down, according to Armageddon News on YouTube (which is 100 percent a completely reliable source... )
First, there's going to be a polar reversal that'll cause a massive earthquake. Also, the moon will turn blood red and the stars will fall to the ground. (This is just the beginning: It gets worse.)
The rich and powerful will shelter like dogs in caves.
Then, a massive explosion will occur. BOOM.
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Jesus Christ. He'll ride in on a white horse with an army of angels because YOLO doesn't apply to him.
He'll fight the Antichrist and throw him into a pool of lava, like a total gladiator.
Woah! Then, Jesus really steps it up a notch by spitting fire all over the haters.
This is one pissed savior, guys. So then, he gathers all us humans and splits us into two groups like he's choosing gym teams.
The people on his right will all get to chill in heaven for eternity. But for all those sinners? Into the fire pit you go.
Seems a little harsh. Better start praying.