A Cuddle Convention Is Real So You Don't Have To Be Lonely This V-Day

Here's a plotline straight out of "Portlandia:"

The Oregon hipster mecca is about to host the first-ever Cuddle Convention.

The 18-and-over event, the pet project of professional platonic cuddler Samantha Hess, will take place in four different locations across Portland on Valentine's Day in hopes of introducing locals to the arts of spooning and massage.

Tickets range from $10 (one cuddle or snuggle activity ) to $64 (the VIP Massage Package for two), depending upon how immersed you'd like to get in the cuddling experience.

Workshops include the Consent 101 Cuddling Prerequisite Class, in which participants will learn the art of keeping their hands to themselves, as well as classes on posture, breathing techniques and bossa nova dance.

The activities share a common purpose: being focused and at peace with yourself. Instead of downing a bottle of red wine to celebrate the holiday, Hess hopes people will take a moment to check in with themselves.

To top it all off, Hess will host a 100-person Snuggle Party for those needing a little reassurance before immersing themselves in the art of the cuddle.

But, don't get any ideas about the convention having sexual undertones. Hess says there's no room for romance in her cuddles.

She told The Oregonian,

It has rules -- it's touch that would be appropriate to do in front of children, basically.... It's important for everybody to know that they are important and not alone on Valentine's Day.

Although snuggling surely has a restorative effect, it's hard to know what will make you feel lonelier this weekend: being alone or being forcefully cuddled by a room full of strangers.