Here we are: Donald Trump is the official Republican candidate to become, arguably, the most powerful person in the world.
This is a man who has literally appeared in the WWE, who used to have a reality show, who believes most Mexican immigrants are either criminals or rapists and who wants to cancel America's whole “religious freedom” thing (which, I feel I must remind you, is why America happened in the first place). Yes, a man who has done all of that may soon be in charge of appointing Supreme Court Justices and deciding who to blow up with all our big bombs.
And the only person in his way is Hillary Clinton: a woman who, although she started strong in this election, is now extremely hated.
There are many aspects of her track record as a public official that cause me tremendous pause. (Although, so did literally every politician aside from Bernie in the last 238 years of this nation's history.) But the fact that some people can compare her to Trump and decide Trump looks like the better pick for president clearly shows that this is election has become a battle of personality, not policy.
And, yes, there's absolutely copious sexism mixed in there.
Hillary's public image right now is hovering around “uptight mother rapping at wedding karaoke.” Trump's public image, on the other hand, is “a house on fire.”
But apparently, many Americans prefer something frightening and volatile to something uncool.
And yet, Hillary just CAN'T stop being uncool.
Her campaign made a website called "Trumpyourself.com." It connects to your Facebook profile and makes these sort of memes that feature messed up things Donald Trump has said.
The idea is that the quotes it picks will be specific to you. So, if you're black, it'll quote – perhaps – Donald Trump's refusal to condemn the KKK leader who offered him support.
It's a good idea in theory because he has said some completely unforgivable things that many Americans have just ignored.
In practice, however, it's another blunder.
For one, it requires the program to effectively ascertain your race. And secondly, the quotes just seem crazy and weird half the time, especially when they're juxtaposed with that photograph of you at the mall.
A few of my co-workers tried it out, and the results were very indicative of the problems in this program.
Like, seriously. What the fuck is going on here?
I have a friend who tried the program, and he got Trump's infamous statements about how Mexican immigrants are primarily rapists and criminals. The program just decided he was a Mexican person.
My friend is, in fact, Israeli.
Oh, and if you're itching to try it out to see how it messes up your ethnicity, I have bad news. Unfortunately, for the past hour, I haven't been able to get the site to work.
I fully suspect this means that the people behind it realized it sucks so much, they're purposefully making it fail so that articles like this one can't display a dozen hilarious examples of its mistakes.
Now, of course, this isn't Hillary's fault. She isn't – as far as I can tell – a programmer. Either she has the worst luck in the world, or she needs a new team.