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This Creepy Guy Literally Scanned His Penis At A Supermarket Checkout

Self-checkout is a beautiful thing. Suddenly you have the power to buy whatever item your little heart desires without any judgment from those snotty supermarket clerks who give you the side-eye for buying condoms AND cream for that wart you noticed on your toe.

But no. With self-checkout, the world is your oyster.

Condoms? SCAN WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH. Tampons? SCAN AWAY, SISTER. Preparation H? NOT A WORRY IN THE WORLD. Your penis? Wait, what?

A Seattle man apparently took this freedom of the self-checkout a little (OK, a lot) too far when he scanned his penis at a supermarket. The man, Christian Fisher, was charged with indecent exposure and assault.

According to the report, a security guard was just beginning his shift over at Quality Food Center when he noticed that one of the female cashiers working the self-checkout line was noticeably taken aback by something a male customer had placed on the scanner. When he made his way over to their station, the security guard saw Fisher's “penis resting on top of the scanner.”

How did Fisher react, you ask? I mean, honestly, how does one react when multiple people notice you attempting to scan your penis at the self-checkout section of your local supermarket? Well, according to reports, Fisher “was laughing and didn't make any attempts to stow away his blatantly exposed genitalia.”

The security guard's story was confirmed by the cashier who said she was "disturbed and alarmed" by Fisher's actions.

According to reports, he returned to the store hours after the altercation only to get into a physical confrontation with employees. He was finally turned away only by the threat of pepper spray.

Fisher was later spotted sleeping by cops a block away when he was arrested.

Citations: Man Allegedly Scans Penis At Supermarket Checkout (Huffington Post)