The wait is finally over: The iPhone 7 comes out today. Brainwashed consumers across the globe will be flocking to Apple stores to get themselves the objects that they revere more passionately than possibly any religious icon.
I am one of those people. I get mine at 6:30 pm. I've been telling literally everyone I know.
Actually, that's a lie: not LITERALLY everyone. I didn't tell my neighbor, Ralph, from when I was a kid. That's because he lives in Singapore now, so we're not in touch.
But I told literally everyone else.
Seriously, people are losing it. The Telegraph included this countdown clock. Except that it counts the time SINCE the phone was released, for some reason. The Apple fever is frying our minds.
Now, the thing is, the price of the iPhone 7 starts at $649, which is, uh, SO much money.
The best way to not pay all that money is to enroll in Apple's upgrade program and trade in your old iPhone. If it's in good shape, you can actually get quite a lot of Apple credit for it. Follow this link to check if you're eligible.
The only caveat is – as USA Today points out – you have to have been enrolled in the program for at least six months for this to work. You then pay a monthly payment, instead of all of it in one lump sum. In any case, this monthly payment program might be the best way to go.
In fact, it's what I did for my iPhone 6.
You used to be able to upgrade every two years, but that doesn't work anymore for new customers.
Yeah, I know. Life sucks.
The other thing you can do is try to sell your old iPhone in order to come up with the money. The iPhone 6S is selling on eBay for over $500 right now.
But you're probably just going to get this phone, no matter what, even if you have to pay full price.
You're that kind of person... "that kind of person" being an idiot.
You know, like me.