Groundhogs Give Mixed Signals During Shadow Ceremony
How is the rest of this winter going to go?
Much like humans, the groundhogs do not know.
Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck emerged from their holes -- but disagreed on whether they'd seen their shadows.
No, but for real, that's exactly what happened on good old Groundhog Day in the year of our groundhog 2017.
The continuation of this bizarre annual tradition led to no concrete answers for the eastern coastal elites growing desperate for some constancy.
Punxsutawney Phil is arguably the most famous groundhog. The Pennsylvania mammal emerged early Thursday morning and saw his shadow on Gobbler's Knob.
Based on the ancient-ish lore, this means Phil predicts winter will last for six more weeks.
As I sit with my feet cuddled up on a space heater, this news is distressing.
If you want a different answer, however, Staten Island Chuck has got you covered.
The New York hog arose at the Staten Island Zoo on Thursday morning and did not see his shadow.
This indicates winter will, in fact, reach an imminent ending without six more weeks of big, puffy jackets taking up all the space on the subway.
What we've got here is a failure to communicate, or at least a failure to think the same.
In the real world, Phil actually does not decide if he sees his shadow or not. That decision is made by his human council, who decide it days earlier based on a secret set of criteria.
All of this fails to give us an answer on if we're going to be OK. Although, a reliance on a large rodent to tell us if we're going to be OK is probably an indication that we are not going to be OK, but that's for our therapists to decide.
The Council of D.C., on the other hand, did see its shadow.
So there we have it.