If Your 'Dick Might Kill Someone,' Walmart Has The Perfect Shirt For You

Walmart, home of family values, was selling some super inappropriate T-shirts on their website.

The T-shirts were made by Hollywood Thread and featured some, uh, interesting phrases. This included,

I'd rather be snorting cocaine off a hooker's ass.



I don't know about you, but this seems not great to me!

Check out another one of the T-shirts being sold online at Walmart, which, much like the cocaine shirt, probably only applies to a very select group of people:


By "select group of people," obviously I mean "sexist assholes who probably think catcalling works."

I mean really. Who on earth looks at that T-shirt and is like, "Oh man gotta get that shirt about me being — I mean having — a huge dick."

Is there somebody out there who actually thinks that's an appropriate T-shirt to wear in public? Is there somebody out there who truly believes that if you wear this T-shirt, a woman will look at it, laugh and gleefully come running toward you, leaping into your arms?

Dear men who think that, I have another idea about why you're single: You sound like an idiot who hasn't respectfully interacted with a woman in years.

Or also you're a 14-year-old boy who just discovered your penis. Congratulations! But just so you know, having a penis doesn't mean that the world owes you anything, and nobody finds this shirt cute.

Mashable found these T-shirts, along with a handful of other equally tasteful ones:


So just to be, like, totally clear on this: These T-shirts are not cute. They will not magically award you women.

To their credit, Walmart seemed super scandalized to be selling them.

Walmart tells retailers, like Hollywood Thread, their guidelines on what should be sold on Walmart's website. Walmart is then supposed to have a trust and compliance team who check out what's being sold and take down anything awful.

Bao Nguyen, who works in media relations for Walmart Global eCommerce and Technology, told Mashable,

Wow. This obviously has no business being on our site. We're removing it ASAP. Thanks for calling it out.

These T-shirts are no longer available on the Walmart website.

But this isn't the first time Walmart has faced trouble with T-shirts. Back in 1995, they removed a T-shirt that said "Someday a woman will be president" from stores, saying that some customers found it "offensive."

Twenty years later, we're pleased to see Walmart is making better choices about what's actually offensive.

Citations: Mashable