'Tis the season to almost forget to send your Christmas packages home in time, causing you to sweat nervously and cry when they don't show up by December 25 — thus ruining your disappointed parents' belief that you're an adult.
Well, in case you are as bumbling as I am when it comes to finding out the right time to send your yuletide packages, then you've come to the right spot. I got you.
If you want to send a standard ground package with the United States Post Office, the deadline is (*cue Little Drummer Boy drumroll*) December 15.
Forget Coffee Meets Bagel. More like Coffee Meets Floor, am I right?
All right, calm down there. You still have time (but barely, you monster). You can still send out mail via first class by December 20.
I know, "first class" sounds very posh, like you would definitely be rich enough to have a spot on a lifeboat on the Titanic, but don't be daunted.
It's much more affordable than you might think.
In terms of mail (postage, not the medieval type of armor), you have to send priority mail by December 21 and priority mail express by December 23.
If you want to go the FedEx route (wow, are you like a millionaire or something?), then get your standard ground packages out by this Friday, December 16.
On the off chance that you're reading this on December 17 or after, stop hyperventilating into a brown paper bag (I mean, unless you need to for medical purposes).
That's right, you can still do a two-day delivery by December 21 ... just definitely hide that package when it arrives. You don't want your relatives realizing that you're a last-minute lameo.
YOU MUST TAKE THAT SECRET TO THE GRAVE.
Even more ignominious is the prospect of having to send your package after that, but luckily for you, FedEx has your back, in case you really have put off the whole Christmas thing.
You can do an overnight delivery by December 22.
Are you a heartless Grinch who cares very little about getting gifts for your loved ones? You can get same-day delivery on Christmas.
But that's only if you want to make baby Jesus cry. Is that what you want?
How about all my Amazon Prime users out there? Let me hear some noise.
You have to get your stuff in your shopping cart and shipped by December 22.
Not a Prime Minister (my nickname for Amazon Prime users like myself)? Get it out by December 17. That's an order, private.
Lastly, there's UPS. Standard shipping deadline? December 19. Next-day shipments? December 22.
So, there you have it. Now, convert all these dates into some sort of Microsoft Excel spreadsheet and know your options when it comes down to the wire this Christmas season.