Should I Break Up With A Friend? Probably Not
When you're young, you just need someone to hold it down with you in the playground and maybe occasionally swap lunches. As you get older, your list of friendship qualifications grows, and you choose people who are not only fun to spend time with, but are actually great people who add value to your life.
Sometimes, we nail down ideas about what friends should be and do for us based on our own selfish desires, skewed perspectives, and even television shows and films.
In real life, nothing is black and white. Friends are not always going to be perfect and do everything right. Basically, the rule of thumb is to give your friends the wiggle room that you know you need in this life, too.
Here are a few things that have been ruled as deal-breakers, and may even justifiably make you upset, but are still not reasons to end your friendship.
1. When You Have Your First Argument In The Friendship
As long as there weren't any seriously low blows or any exchanges that teeter too close to verbal abuse, then understand that arguments happen. Since this is only the first time, you guys can push through.
2. When She Is Dating A Guy You Hate
We are not always going to like our friend's partners — and sometimes, for solid reasons — but who your best friend dates has nothing to do with you. Friends shouldn't pick out partners based on who other friends will approve of. If she likes the guy, then leave it all alone.
In extreme cases, like those of domestic violence, you cutting off your friend just because she's in a toxic relationship isn't going to do anything for her healing. Be there for her as much as you can, but know that her bad relationship doesn't have to bode negatively for the bond you two have established.
3. When She Disappears With A Boyfriend
When a friend gets a new flame and goes MIA, it is indeed annoying. However, dropping your best friend because she's made this mistake doesn't have to be the go-to solution. Though it doesn't feel good to see less of your best friend, have a little mercy and consider where she might be in life.
Is this her first boyfriend in several years? Has she been in previously terrible relationships and finally found a healthy one? Is her new partner helping her through serious changes in her life like a health scare or another traumatic event?
Consider all of those circumstances and if any of those (or similar situations) are the case, then give your friend the benefit of the doubt.
Simply communicate with your friend, let her know how much you miss your time together, and then ask if you can hang out. She may have truly not noticed how much time you guys missed and immediately work to correct it.
4. When She Spends More Time With Newer Friends
It is possible to make new friends and keep classic ones. Don't feel slighted by photos of your best friend having the time of her life with other people on the 'Gram.
You two have made plenty of amazing memories and can make lots more. She's also not likely comparing the time she spends with friends.
5. When She Isn't Calling You As Often As You'd Like
Life can get the best of us all and people just get busy, especially when they are going through really stressful times. Friends don't have to talk to each other every day or even every week.
As long as you know your friend is the one you can still call at 4 a.m. for help and she'll be right there with her hair tied up and ready to take on the world with you, don't sweat the times you guys go without too much communication.
6. When She's Friends With Someone You Dislike
Getting upset about your friend being cool with someone you don't like is super high school. Just because you don't get along with the person doesn't mean she won't. When two adults are at odds, let that be just between those two adults and don't involve anyone else in it.
As long as she isn't allowing that friend to bash you in front of her or joining in on any roast sessions, then let your friend live. If your "enemy" is really that terrible, then that is a lesson your friend will learn in time.
If she doesn't have that experience, then live and let live.
7. When She Doesn't Tell You She Suspects Your BF Is Cheating On You
Not all people withhold information like this because they don't care or are mean-spirited. Some people will not hesitate to let their friends know if they suspect cheating, usually because they don't want to see someone they care about hurt and deceived.
But friends don't always receive this news easily, and the fear is often that sharing negative information about an SO will damage the friendship.
Another truth is that relationships have ups and downs. Not all people even leave when they find out they are cheated on. It's a sucky, hurtful thing to tell someone about their SO's indiscretions just to lose the friendship and watch that relationship continue.
8. When She Has A Habit Of Not Texting Back
LOL, you seriously just have to know your friends and how they communicate. Some people are just forgetful and it is not a personal dig at you in any way. It's not just you that your friend doesn't text back. It's likely everyone.
She may be someone you have to just straight up call, or she may be glued to her laptop and be more receptive to emails. Figure it out, and after a while, her bad texting behavior will just be the running joke in your friendship and not something to take offense to.
9. When She Doesn't Take Your Side When You Are Wrong
You've stumbled upon one of the greatest blessings in life if you are lucky enough to have a friend who is willing to stand up to you and call you out on your crap.
Initially, that can sting, but in the long run, it will only make your friendship stronger because you know you've got someone in your life who will tell you the truth no matter what.
10. When She Doesn't Invite You To An Event
So this one depends on the event. If your friend moves in a lot of social circles and she knows that any of them make you uncomfortable, she may not invite you to that particular shindig because she knows how you feel about that group.
There are also cases when inviting someone else just makes more sense, like work events or concerts featuring artists that she knows you don't necessarily listen to.
Before you get offended, take a moment to assess why she didn't invite you. You could also just ask her.
11. When She's Dating Your Ex From Grade School
Of course, this depends on the kind of relationship you had with your grade school ex, but in general, if you guys are seven or eight years ahead of your high school years, then step out of your petty on this one.
Whoever you dated in high school is likely so different from who they were back then that it doesn't even matter. That was kid stuff, so let these two consenting adults move forward with no pressure.
12. When She Doesn't Offer Advice On Your Relationships
Despite what you see on television and in films, your friends might not always be the go-to people when you want to talk about your relationship. This could be because they feel uncomfortable speaking on other people's love lives. It could also be because they feel like they aren't the right person to offer advice on the particular subject you're asking them about.
Learn to accept it when your friends want to withhold their input. It doesn't mean they don't care. As long as they are willing to be a listening ear, then they aren't being a bad friend.
13. When She's Making Bad Decisions In Her Life That Don't Affect You
Watching your friends do crazy things like join a pyramid scheme or quit their job to travel the world on a non-existent budget is hard. Still, making those decisions doesn't translate into them being a bad friend to you.
People are entitled to their bad decision-making, and truly, it is part of the growing process. Don't judge your friend for having a different process than you. As long as your friend is good to you, then you be a good friend and love them through it.
14. When They Have A Different Political View
There is likely no event that brought this issue to the forefront more than the 2016 election. Trump supporters and non-Trump supporters had to do a lot of reckoning with arguably the most polarizing candidate to date.
Some people drew the line and severed ties while others opted to maintain their relationships. The decision is all yours, but friendships are so precious. If there is any way you can overlook your friend's political views, party affiliations, or voting history — then do that.
Do what is best for your self-care, but still evaluate what about your friendship can be preserved.