College is a fantastic, wonderful time in our lives that, for the sake of our livers and dignities, is limited to four short years.
After graduation, we're forced to pretend that we're real, functional adults whose hobbies do not include getting obliterated and gossiping about drama that will have no relevance in a couple of days (or hours, or minutes...).
But then our college friends come to town, and something magical happens: We suddenly revert to the fun-loving, social-media-obsessed, gossipy young adults we were when we first met.
So, if they haven’t come yet, here are some things to get excited for next time your besties come to town.
1. You will drink like it’s your first time.
2. Your tolerance will also closely resemble your first time.
3. You will fight over that guy none of you have seen or heard from since sophomore year.
4. You will make jokes only you guys find funny.
5. You will chew with your mouth open and sh*t with the door open, because these bitches already know how disgusting you are.
6. You will be cliquey in the best way possible.
7. You will annoy the sh*t out of anyone near you.
8. You will get kicked out of a nice establishment.
9. You will be extremely nervous giving the bouncer your (real) ID.
10. You will find yourself falling back into the same stupid drama.
11. You will let your freak flag fly, and it will be flying WAY high.
12. You will shamelessly cry about that guy you made out with twice freshman year (but you guys texted like, SO much, and he invited you to formal).
13. You will drink whatever is cheapest.
14. You will end up spending an absurd amount of money on things that used to be free in college.
15. You will try to make DIY jungle juice.
16. You will binge drink.
17. You will binge eat.
18. Late-night Taco Bell and/or Domino’s runs will happen.
19. You will get carded, and it will not be a compliment.
20. You will hook up with somebody excessively embarrassing.
21. You will all get your period, and you will see this as a biological symbol of your bond.
22. You will do really, REALLY weird shit, and only you will find it hilarious.
23. You will start using acronyms like “YOLO” and “FOMO” to justify your need to go out.
24. You will endure the worst hangover known to (wo)man.
25. …And you will keep drinking.
26. Somebody will puke, and somebody will cry.
27. You will probably do both of the above.
28. You will have an I-could-have-gone-to-China-and-back-last-night-for-all-I-know level blackout.
29. Random drama that everybody forgot about will resurface, and it will ruin everyone’s night.
30. Becky’s obnoxious drunk bragging will still be annoying.
31. Everybody will get annoyed with that one person (Becky), and that one person (BECKY) will cry.
32. …making everybody even more annoyed.
33. Cue talking sh*t about her in separate group text.
34. You will drunk text.
35. You will drunk dial.
36. You will use “I was drunk” as your excuse for said calls and text messages and not see anything wrong with that.
37. You will temporarily forget that being sober is an option.
38. You will suddenly have the confidence of a college senior looking down on all of the freshman peasants.
39. Someone will pass out with shoes on, and you will see this as a valid excuse to draw d*cks all over his or her face.
40. You will feel way too young to be at a REAL-LIFE BAR.
41. You will have about a trillion “heart-to-hearts.”
42. You will drink vodka out of a plastic bottle.
43. You will have your friend curl your hair for you, and it will look kind of awkward and weird.
44. You will spend more time getting ready than you have in years.
45. You will take a whole lot of SHOTS.
46. You will speak only in inside jokes.
47. You will drunkenly apply makeup.
48. You will day drink.
49. And then you will proceed to night drink.
50. You will try to walk in stilettos and fail miserably.
51. Your social media accounts will be hacked.
52. You will take really staged pictures.
53. …And then you will take some true blackmail photos as the night progresses (think: you doing illicit drugs with a little person dressed in a leprechaun costume).
54. You will irresponsibly mix liquors.
55. You will make some BOLD social media decisions.
56. Your most embarrassing story will absolutely come up.
57. You will wear your college uniform of a crop top and a short, tight skirt.
58. You will feel the incessant need to post all of your pictures on social media so people know that you’re cool and you party.
59. You will talk mad sh*t about your old nemesis, and it will feel damn good.
60. You will call this nemesis “basic” and accuse her of “not actually even going out that much,” and those will be really huge BURNS.
61. You will find yourself chanting “CHUG CHUG CHUG” on several occasions.
62. You will lose a debit card and/or your phone.
63. You will be “those girls” at the bar.
64. You will wake up the next morning to SO MANY TAGGED PHOTOS.
65. You will also miss “class” this next morning (and by “class” I mean WORK because, you know, you are a real adult with a job now).