It was freshman year of college, and my dorm room was conveniently located next door to the women's bathroom. For the first couple of months, this was good enough for me… until I figured out a way that was much, much easier (and much, much less sanitary) to go to the bathroom, which was to use the sink in my room.
Yep. If I ever had to pee in the middle of the night, why would I bother getting up, PUTTING ON PANTS and going all the way to the bathroom when I could just slip my panties off, pop a squat over by the sink and answer nature’s call right there?
That’s right. I’m disgusting. I’m disgusting, and I’m lazy. Super lazy. I go to crazy lengths to avoid doing things all of the time.
The spring quarter of my senior of college, I took one class at 2:15 pm twice a week. I almost failed it because I slept through my 1:55 pm alarm too many times. (And that’s not to mention the time I skipped it to go to the spa.) Simply put, unnecessary exertions of energy are just really not my thing.
Apparently I’m not the only one. Read as these 19 fearless young adults shamelessly share their most boldly sloth-like acts.
When you knew someone else could do it for you…
I was so lazy once while my whole family was home, I called my house phone from my cell phone to ask my mom to come to my room and get my TV remote that was across the room from my bed.
My grandma was mad old and I didn't like visiting with her because she was old AF and lived far away, so I had my sister go with my parents and pretend to be both of us. She didn't know the difference. This is pretty horrible now that I'm writing it, but I'm too lazy to care. *shrugs forever*
Was lying in my loft and was so hungover, so I texted a friend claiming that it was an emergency, and he needed to come quick. He came into the room panting, at which point I asked him to hand me my water bottle from my desk...five feet away.
When going to the store just seemed like way too much work…
I got wine delivered to my apartment from the wine store below my apartment because I didn't want to have to put on real pants.
One time, I got delivery from the restaurant that is below my apartment -- and I mean, literally RIGHT BELOW my apartment. It was so lazy, and the delivery man was clearly pissed, but it was so worth because I didn't have to pause my Netflix.
I once drove past three different Starbucks shops so I could go to the drive-thru one.
Used Seamless just to order one cup of coffee. (There's a Dunkin' Donuts on one of my corners and a Starbucks on the other.) Just really a low point for me.
I used Postmates to buy me toilet paper and Gatorade when I was too hungover.
When cooking was just not an option…
Yesterday, I was coming home from work, and I was starving. I literally hadn't eaten since breakfast. But I knew I was going to be too lazy to cook dinner when I got home. So I AGGRESSIVELY hangry-marched into Whole Foods, picked up a hot meal of foods that I didn't even like that much, spent way too much money on it and got a stomachache later that night from it. All because I was too lazy to cook my own f*cking dinner.
When you could not be bothered by pesky things like laundry…
In college, I had no clean socks or underwear, so instead of doing laundry (which was free), I ordered new packages of socks and boxers. Thank you Amazon Prime, you the real MVP.
When you let technology just do it for you…
I downloaded a dice app on my phone because I was too high to reach for the die on the table to play a drinking game.
One time, I got super blacked out and left my credit card at a restaurant 15 minutes away. I called confirming it was still there, but rather than go and get it, I cancelled it and had my bank mail another one to me. Baller life swag status.
When being active was a literal boner-kill...
Well, since I live at home now, I call the house phone to make sure no one is home so that I can watch porn in my room. I do this instead of getting up and looking around, which could potentially make me lose my boner.
When the walk just seemed like it was too long…
I drive to 7-Eleven, which is two houses away from me.
FaceTimed my roommate to talk when she was in the room next to me.
I throw my pillow at the light switch to turn it off when I don’t want to get up.
I have definitely blown my nose on dirty laundry or my own current outfit because I was too lazy to get up and find a Kleenex.
When you were just catching up on your sleep…
I woke up at 3 pm and went to bed at 8 pm. Best day ever.
I dropped a class the first week of my freshman year of college (Intro to Geology) because I didn't want to get out of bed for it that morning. That class ended up being the last one I took 4.5 years later in order to graduate.
*Name has been changed.