I Asked My Tinder Matches To Explain What An Eclipse Is And The Responses Were Epic


On Monday morning, a total solar eclipse will be on display for much of North America, with the path of totality crossing 14 U.S. states. Hopefully you knew that already, because a lot of guys I talked to sure didn't. Just for laughs, I had my Tinder matches explain the solar eclipse to me, and the responses did not disappoint.

Well, they actually did. Never before have I seen anyone have so much troubleexplaining an eclipse, and frankly I'm kind of surprised. Maybe it's because I practically live online, but as far as I knew, everyone has been obsessing over this celestial phenomenon. Clearly no one knows everything…

Responses ranged from a wild guess or blatant sarcasm to no answer at all. Very few guys actually knew what they were talking about, and when they did they weren't very generous with their information. Maybe they were more interested in the pretty picture of their new Tinder match, but I wasn't having it. Sorry, not sorry; I need a man who can talk nerdy to me.

1. Mr. Funny Guy

Gabrielle LaFrank
Gabrielle LaFrank

While he did acknowledge my question, he wasn't too keen on the subject. When I persisted, he decided to get clever about it. Thank goodness he did, because not many even bothered to show an ounce of personality when asked about the eclipse. Take note, men of Tinder.

2. Captain Obvious

Gabrielle LaFrank

OK, first of all, how did you not know? I don't think I've gone more than a few hours without hearing about the eclipse. I can't decide whether you're way too obvious or totally clueless.

3. The Guy From The '80s

Gabrielle LaFrank

I can appreciate a good music reference. Really, I can. Whether it was an attempt at humor or at flirting, I'm going to say he semi-succeeded, even though he totally didn't answer my question.

4. The Honest One

Gabrielle LaFrank

Hey, there are always bonus points for honesty. Maybe he wasn't interested but at least he admitted he didn't know much. He had the chance to show off some internet-fueled knowledge and decided not to take it. What a guy.

5. Mr. Wrong

Gabrielle LaFrank

At least he tried. He got the solar part right but he needs to do a little fact checking. I literally asked him to tell me about the eclipse this wee and he still had no clue when it was.

6. The Flirt

Gabrielle LaFrank

He saw an opportunity and rolled with it, which I admire. He responded pretty quickly, too, so I can tell this isn't his first attempt at flirting. Did it work? Not at all. But he tried, he really did.

7. Mr. Even More Wrong

Gabrielle LaFrank

Was he being sarcastic? I kind of hope so, but my standards are already set so low that I sort of doubt it. I really would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't know if I can.

8. Captain Sass

Gabrielle LaFrank

Clearly I asked the wrong person about the wrong subject. No, his bio didn't say he was an astronomer at NASA, but that's not an excuse to be uninformed. Watch the news or go online for a minute and you will know about the eclipse.

9. The Lazy One

Gabrielle LaFrank

This dude is straight and to the point, but ladies rarely tolerate an unanswered question. Do you know what an eclipse is? Were you aware one was happening? Actually, I don't think I want to know.

10. The Birthday Boy

Gabrielle LaFrank

While you were very, very wrong about the frequency of eclipses, I appreciate that you wanted to throw in that little fact about your big day. It shows me that you are under no impression that your birthday is going to take precedence over an event that apparently happens only every hundred years. So here's to you, birthday boy.