Paying rent sucks; it doesn't even matter where you live because your rent and paycheck are relative to your city.
Of course, some places are worse than others (COUGH, NYC, COUGH), but typically you hand over one of your paychecks per month to your landlord, and the other becomes monopoly money.
This is precisely the awkward moment when your complete lack of budgeting rears its ugly head. Before you know it, it's the next rent cycle and you are (yet again) scraping pennies together.
Long gone is that one solid, blissful week of food delivery when you actually had enough cushion in the bank to splurge a little bit.
Unfortunately, your habits have caught up with and you're basically broke. So what do you do when your rent takes all of your money?
1. You go to company events just for the free food
Sure, you may be on a hardcore diet, but the moment your rent is due and you've got single digits for an account balance, "Free Pizza Friday" seems like an all-too-tantalizing option.
You need to take advantage of the free food when you get it. And don't be afraid to overeat because this might just be your dinner too.
2. You take Adderall and/or drink coffee so you don't have to eat
On the days you can't swindle free food, you load up on any appetite suppressant you can get your hands on. Spending money on food is the quickest way to deplete your resources, as any delivery addict knows.
3. The only coffee you will be ingesting is the sh*tty office kind
Say goodbye to your Starbucks habit because ain't nobody got time for a $5 cup of coffee when you're ballin' on a budget.
Instead you will survive on the coffee in your office, even though you're highly suspicious it doesn't really contain any caffeine whatsoever.
4. You steal office toiletries and then tell your roommates you bought them
This may be a scumbag move, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your office is more than likely stocked the F up on paper goods, making it the perfect supply closet to grab some extra TP and paper towels.
5. You go home to your parents' house for free meals
They think you just miss them, but if we're being honest, you're beyond broke and haven't eaten dinner in three days. Pro tip: Don't tell them that unless you feel like getting a lecture.
6. You eat your coworkers' leftovers
You don't even have to ask, your coworkers know exactly what to do with their leftovers: put them right on your desk. Extra points if they know to leave in the fork.
7. You steal ketchup from McDonald's, hot sauce from Chipotle and silverware from, well, everywhere
If there are free condiments available, it's your civic duty to take them. The more you can get your hands on, the more successful your thievery is, so congrats on that because not everyone can get away with stealing from Chipotle.
8. You pretend you forget your wallet so people buy you sh*t
You know you will eventually pay your friend back, but in the meantime, the tab's on her.
The best way to go about this is to order whatever it is you want while she's with you, pat your body frantically in search of your nonexistent wallet and wait for her to say she's got it.
9. You hate dates, but know you will starve without them
This is more so for the ladies out there. You know that guy who has been nagging you for a date? Well, rent week is the perfect time to take him up on his offer, just so you can feed yourself.
It's OK, he probably won't figure it out, and when he does, it'll be too late and you'll be long gone by then.
10. You go to Sephora to do your makeup because you can't afford your own
If you say you've never done this, you are a liar.
11. You shower at the gym so you don't have to increase your water bill
The fact that you can still afford your gym membership is a miracle, so why not take advantage of the included showers? You are already paying to be there, you might as well milk it for all it's worth.
12. You don't turn on your heat or AC... ever
If you're overly hot, you get naked; if you're freezing, you pile on the blankets and layers. There is no other option, at least not one you can afford.
13. You walk everywhere no matter rain, snow or shine
You haven't taken a cab in years... at least not on your dollar.
14. You eat your roommates' food while they're sleeping
This is a terrible way to have karma bite you in the ass, but sometimes you are just really hungry and don't have a choice.
15. You throw a party just so people leave booze behind
How else are you supposed to sustain your drinking habits? Plus, all your friends will think you are being oh-so-nice and won't even think twice before leaving their bottles behind.
16. You've considered the pros and cons of becoming a stripper
Hey, I said consider...
17. You tell people you're fasting so they don't know you can't actually afford food
You know you've hit an all-time low when you actually have to admit to people you can't afford food, so I guess this is the next best option...?
18. You ask for a free cup of water and use the Starbucks free WiFi all day
I wonder if the baristas even realize how regularly people do this...
19. You throw a bitch fit when the 99 cent food comes out to $1.50
The dollar menu is just one huge lie and no one is more familiar with that concept than you. You thought you were beating the system when the system really just beat you.
20. You go to Costco just for the samples
When all other food schemes fail, you know that Costco will always have your back. I mean, isn't that how it entices its customers anyway?
21. You ask the five other people on your account to split your Netflix bill
The fact that you can't even afford your $7.99 subscription is just embarrassing, but what's even worse is asking the other people you share your account with to chip in.
22. You tell people you don't know that it's your birthday so they buy you things
Hey! You over there! Come buy me lunch, it's my birthday... just so you know.
23. You haven't been to the doctor since you moved out of your parents' house
That is just one unnecessary expense. There isn't anything that can't be fixed by a mixture of over-the-counter medications provided by the local CVS.
24. You sit at the bar empty-handed until 12 am when your direct deposit hits
...And then it's drinks for everyone! You haven't been out for two solid weeks; payday is basically the equivalent of your birthday.
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