The Educated Stoner

by Sean Levinson

As a long-time marijuana user, I tend to think of myself as an educated stoner. Not only do I take pride in proving that just because someone smokes pot, it doesn't mean he or she is unintelligent, but I also take it upon myself to continuously refute any supposed logic that for some people, marijuana will only worsen their mental health and well being.

I believe everyone over the age of twenty could benefit from moderate marijuana use. When I see a troubled or stressed adult, young or old, I cannot help but think of how quickly that poor soul would be able to relieve all of that absolutely unnecessary pain and continue moving forward after a few good hits of the right stuff for that specific problem.

The latter part of that last sentence is what I find most amazing about marijuana. There is literally a strain out there for everybody. Ever mental state, personality and thought process in existence can seek wondrous benefits in the form of a unique strand of pot.

A lot of people who object to the use of marijuana don't seem to understand what a vast variety of available sensations the world of marijuana has to offer. There are many different strands of pot for a myriad of desired outcomes. Anyone who claims that an experience with marijuana instilled only feelings of dread, I tell that person that this was simply the wrong strain for the supposed situation.

Today I read an article on The Daily Beast, one of my favorite news sources, by a guy who seriously claims that he is in fact “allergic to marijuana.” After studying the absurdity of this sentence for a few minutes, I concluded that the only way he could support any truth to this claim was if this dude were to cite a physical malfunction he experienced after smoking up that required medication to negate.

“I've had enough uncomfortably psychedelic experiences with this century's super pot to be terrified it,” the writer continued. I had a mixed reaction to this one.

It's definitely hard to deny that this century's pot is quite possibly the strongest pot in the history mankind. This is both good and bad for the current population because while we don't have to spend as much money on weed as we used to since the high is so easily achieved, it also makes it much, much easier to smoke oneself into hysteria.

All true potheads have accepted that it is entirely feasible to become mentally inoperable from an over excessive use of weed.

Anyway, I was now under the impression that my new friend had simply smoked too much for his own good. But then he revealed the real reason for his pot-induced misfortune, the answer to all of my queries.

“The last time I sampled some, called Sour Monkey, I made it through five minutes of the movie “Looper” before confusion and panic set in, causing me to change course and feverishly organize my father's ethernet cords. “

Where to start. I have never had Sour Monkey (to my knowledge) but I can only assume that it has a similar effect to the legendary Sour Diesel. Sour Diesel is of the sativa strain, meaning it triggers a head high instead of a body high. Sativas, especially the strong ones like Sour Diesel, are hard to handle for non-habitual users and increasingly easy to smoke too much of.

If someone who hasn't smoked pot in a very long time were to take just three or even two hits of a strong sativa, two words: blast off. We're talking crazy streams of thoughts, strange contemplations and revelations regarding the most mundane of concepts, all capped off by an inability to notice the immediate world because one is too busy trying to figure out the meaning life.

Put it this way: If one were to turn on a classic rock radio station right now, I can pretty much guarantee that there's a 90% chance whatever song comes on was written under the influence of something of the sativa variety.

It's understandable and common for these strains to cause immense paranoia and panic for those who aren't used to their effect. The mind has never experienced anything like this, and thus goes into a mild state of shock.

Sativas are also not the best strains to experiment with before watching any movies that aren't comedies. Watching a film that requires one to think or follow even a slightly complicated plot after smoking this type of pot takes the viewer on a time warp of thought, away from the movie and into the nuances of one's day-to-day operations. Instead of simply watching the movie, one will start thinking about friends, work, death, and the overall nature of the human condition.

That's a lot to take in. Why this guy chose to watch “Looper” is his own choice, but the point is it this was unquestionably the wrong decision. “Looper” made him think about the role of time travel, romance, and the future (all themes of the film) in his own life and he couldn't just sit still in this torturous self-reflection, so he embarked on a different chore to get his mind off himself.

Another common side effect of smoking sativa occurs in the wrong environment. Some potheads actually use sativas like sour diesel just to get the motivation to clean their rooms.

This writer isn't allergic to weed. He just probably smoked too much of an unexpectedly powerful, intellectually stimulating strain. And there is no need to judge the entire universe of marijuana strains based off one experience with a strain he (along with many others) didn't particularly enjoy at that specific occasion.

Ask any dedicated stoner if it's a wise idea to smoke a strong sativa alone to watch a deep, convoluted film.

This guy needs to come to terms with the reality that he didn't make a mistake in smoking weed. He was just in the wrong state at the wrong time. Besides, I'll bet he never would have gotten to organizing those Ethernet cables had it not been for this careless error of inexperience.