4 Things That Will Immediately Get You Unfollowed On Social Media
There will always be annoying people on social media.
You can't really avoid them.
It comes with the territory, like bad weather in the winter or sunburns in August.
There are some types of posts on social media that are just mildly annoying, like the woman who just got engaged and wants to use her Instagram account to post wedding inspiration on the daily, or the guy who desperately needs to tell his 800 Facebook friends about every trip to the gym.
Those posts warrant an eye roll or two, but it's easy to move on and scroll past without being too traumatized.
We all have a few people on our friends lists who we keep around for amusement, including the woman who thinks the word "Facebook" is synonymous with "diary," or the guy who thinks he's got game and takes horrendous selfies.
It's hard to complain about those people. After all, you are voluntarily seeking out their sad status updates.
Like rubbernecking at an accident, it's hard to look away.
However, there are some social media offenses that need to be addressed.
These go beyond mild irritation and enter the realm of "What the actual f*ck?"
It's not a matter of unfollowing or blocking. It comes down to human decency.
It's time for a pact among fellow Internet users.
Can we all band together on this? Let's agree to just stop these embarrassing online behaviors:
1. Pictures Of Cuts, Scabs And Bruises
No one — and I repeat, no one — wants to see your bloody knee.
Your friends might care about the fact you wiped out on the stairs while exiting the F train, and they're probably relieved to know you're okay.
But despite the fact they care about your well-being, they don't want to see a cropped picture of ripped-up skin, all dressed up in an Instagram filter.
Nothing ruins my morning coffee and Instagram browsing more than stumbling upon a picture of someone's gaping, open wound.
The motive behind posts like these is baffling.
Are you proud of your injuries? Are you seeking sympathy? Are you trying to gross out your friends?
Enough is enough. I'd rather see 17 engagement rings in a row than the aftermath of your surgery, thanks.
2. Birthday Tributes To People Who Aren't Even On Social Media
When it's your best friend's birthday, there's only one thing to do: Go through your pictures, find four or five gems and Pic Stitch them all together with the caption, "Happy birthday to my bestie!"
It's no secret we all do this in part so we can post hot pictures of ourselves. But at least we are also posting pictures of our BFFs, so it doesn't look terribly narcissistic.
Except, of course, when our BFF isn't on social media.
What's even worse is when the other person in question is your grandma, who definitely isn't on social media.
Doing this is basically saying, "Hey, everyone! Look at this picture of me, casually standing next to this other person whom I'm pretending to honor. But I really just want to share this hot picture of me. Don't forget to like it."
Ugh, vom. Stop.
3. Offensive And Long-Winded Political Rants
"Wow, your Facebook post really made me change my mind about that hot-button political issue," said no one ever.
Some people truly do not understand this, so it bears repeating.
There's a reason why friends and family should never discuss politics, especially when they disagree.
It leads to trouble.
Considering your Facebook News Feed is made up of friends and family, logic should tell you to avoid controversial political topics.
While it's perfectly normal to want to engage in political debate, and it's completely okay to enjoy debating, we need to realize Facebook is the wrong platform for such a conversation.
Most people go on Facebook to see what their friends are up to, browse pictures, share their own status updates or see who has liked their recent posts.
Most people do not go on Facebook looking for a heated political debate.
If you're determined to rant and rave, find a political blog or news site and have a field day in the comments.
Start your own blog.
But, don't ruin other people's Facebook experiences with offensive and volatile rants.
4. The Delivery Room Play-By-Play
I get babies are exciting.
It's fun to think of cute ways to announce your pregnancy over Instagram (jars of Prego pasta sauce, anyone?) and it's hard to resist posting pictures of your little munchkin after he or she enters the world.
But can we draw the line at the delivery room pictures?
The other day, a picture popped up on my News Feed of a friend from high school. The photo was taken literally moments after she gave birth.
It looked like a snapshot from that "Miracle Of Life" video we all had to watch in 10th grade biology class.
I wasn't bothered by the graphic nature of the picture, and I wasn't put off by her sweaty disposition. But I felt like a creep for even seeing this picture.
It was so profoundly intimate, and it felt wrong to see it.
Social media exists, in part, because we all love sharing bits and pieces of our lives.
It makes sense we would want to share the highest of the highs. It's understandable.
However, there are some things that just should stay private, not because they're offensive, but because we all deserve some intimacy.
When I saw that photo, I felt bad for her husband. But I felt worse for her son, whose first minutes on Earth were already on the Internet.
In a world where we feel compelled to offer glimpses into every facet of our lives, perhaps we should take a step back and consider what we should keep to ourselves.
If we think about it long enough, we might find some details worthy of staying secret.