We all have "fake deep" people on our timelines. We want to delete them, and just don't.
Because, we knew them in college and they were cool AF IRL. Or, our moms grew up together.
Maybe they're family members so you just can't bring yourself to nix them. And hell, sometimes they DO post something that's actually profound... kind of like Kanye.
But for the most part, "fake deep" people are the woke ones online who can't help but let the world know just how woke they are.
They are SO woke that they're sleeping on the joy of simply shutting TF up. And every day you fight the urge in your fingers to comment, "GTFOWTBS" under their posts.
But, since rambling is (partly) what social media is for, you just click "like" on the one post that does make sense, and shake your head at the rest.
If you can't relate to anything you just read? I regret to inform you, but you may be the "fake deep" friend.
Here's how to tell (and hopefully change) just how many eye rolls you get online:
1. Your entire Instagram page is nothing but quotes.
We all like a little inspiration. A wise word from Maya Angelou or Michelle Obama never hurt anybody.
But if you can barely find a selfie or a hilarious meme on your page because it's overloaded with quotes that have incorrect celebrity attribution, then yes, we're a little overwhelmed by you.
2. Those speeches on Snapchat, babe...
You gotta chill.
Every nice exchange you have with the cashier at the local Walmart isn't cause for a motivational session on your Snapchat story.
There's also something to be said about people who OD on positivity culture here. Too often it's used to shame people who battle depression, or to blame others for the bad things that happen to them.
By all means, encourage yourself, but please draw the line at spreading the idea that happiness is always in a person's control. Sometimes it's not. Life isn't all hearts and rainbows.
3. Your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are all meme-less.
Laughter might not always be the best medicine. But it is pretty good medicine.
Have some. Please.
4. You call everything a "distraction."
We can care about politics and still want to party and bullshit online. It happens, like, every day. We call that multi-tasking.
5. You've ended at least one debate on Facebook with, "well at least I got a reaction."
Calm down, cool kid.
The "no one knows what it means but it's provocative" attitude is annoying.
Picking sensitive topics to get people riled up just to say you were the facilitator never makes you look as intelligent as you think. It just makes you look crazy and severely out of touch.
Is this you? Of course it isn't!
But, you know a "fake deep" friend. And admit it, you thought about them and laughed the whole time you read this.
And you're going to share this on your Facebook just to see if they like the post and don't know it's them.
LMAO. They don't.