If you're contemplating reaching out to your ex this summer, know you're probably not alone.
Whether it's the warm sunshine, or the beautiful opportunity for new experiences, our hearts cave in to the temptation to embrace love.
Speaking about the ways of the heart; they're not always straight arrow. In fact, summer, along with a bleeding heart, can have you tracking backwards.
As much as it would be easy to blame those urges to re-connect with an ex on getting too much sun, those excuses never hold.
Before you go undoing the past, be sure to ask yourself a few reflective questions.
1. Is This My Liquid Courage Talking?
Liquid courage is a no-no if it has to do with re-connecting with an ex. I can tell you from experience that revealing anything after a few drinks is super wrapped in emotional confusion.
You will wake up the next day wishing those messy statements had remained repressed... forever.
2. Will This Do More Damage Than Good?
Believe it or not, reaching out to an ex may very well be a selfish act. You might be longing to fulfill whatever closure, excitement, or curiosity for yourself.
You can't let that feeling overshadow your analysis of whether this will be a smooth or bumpy road to redemption.
3. Did The Relationship End On Good Or Bad Terms?
Don't get stuck in the idea there will be some fairytale ending to your want to rekindle an old flame.
It's smart to analyze all of the components of the situation, and that includes the not-so-pretty portion of your relationship.
Don't just think about the good times that you and your ex had together, remember why you broke up and think about the reality of the situation rather than the fantasy of it before making any moves.
4. Is This Ex Seeing Someone Else?
If you haven't already dipped into the other unappealing emotions, jealousy could be a catalyst for your want to re-connect.
You could also be creating this fictional ending where it's just the two of you in the picture, and realistically, it could be too late for that.
Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and author of relationship blog, yourejustadumbass.com, reveals,
Disillusionment about the end of the relationship and/or competing with another person may be creating a different level of hurt for yourself.
5. Is This A Solo Or Group Decision?
Friends are great, but oftentimes, they weigh in on things that will not affect them, only you.
Be sure that this important decision is as solo as those red beer pong cups.
6. Is The Attempt Genuine Or Summer Fling-Influenced?
You might feel a little bit of FOMO if you're the only one who's not banking on that summer romance. But, think before you use that as an excuse to open an old wound that could ultimately be detrimental.
Summer has both positive and negative affects on how we handle our love life.
As New York-based relationship and etiquette expert and author, April Masini, puts it, people tend to be "more social" in the summer. The season leads to the potential for some sizzling romance.
Instead of passing around the hot cocoa, they're sharing sunscreen, simply because they're outside — at the beach, in the park during lunch at work, or walking instead of bustling into a heated car to commute.
7. What Would Be Different?
If you are genuinely trying to get back with your ex, you have to consider how this time around would be different. There's rarely time for repetition in life; it's all about growth and change.
Dating and relationships expert, licensed marriage and family therapist, and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love, Anita Chlipala reveals,
If you haven't worked on yourself in the meantime, chances are pretty good that you would have the same kind of relationship, and you broke up for a reason.
According to Chlipala, often it is not just our contemplation of what could have been different, but what we're missing emotionally. She continues,
Sometimes we don't know what we have until it's gone or we have other experiences. People can get comfortable in relationships and take each other for granted. With time apart, people can realize that what they had was special and try to win their ex back.
Don't let your first instinct of re-connecting with an ex be your only reasoning. There's a lot to consider, and you should pay the respect to yourself and all involved by putting that into perspective.