I've never in my wildest dreams imagined I'd be lucky enough to become a mother. I also never in my wildest dreams imagined I'd become eerily similar to my own mother. Oh, and I definitely never thought I'd be the motherhood-obsessed freak that I am now. There were so many things I swore I'd never do.
Well, people, I'm here to tell you to never say never. As a new mom, I am living proof of that.
Here are seven cliches I never thought I'd be guilty of in motherhood, but have learned to completely own as a new mom:
1. Dressing My Baby Girl In Ruffles And Bows
When I first found out I was having a girl, one of my best friends made a comment about how fun it will be to dress her up all the time. I distinctly remember saying, “Ugh, no hot pink, and definitely no bows or ruffly things. Ever.”
I proved myself completely wrong. Her first postpartum photoshoot consisted of pink bows and ruffles upon ruffles. Oh, and there were pearls. Real ones.
2. Putting Motherhood Before My Workouts
“I am definitely not going to let a baby stop my workout routine. I will exercise religiously throughout my pregnancy to at least keep my arms and legs in shape.”
Well, I worked out a handful of times in my first trimester, but by the third time I had to get off the elliptical to pee, vomit or catch my breath, I threw in the towel. Literally.
Postpartum, my arms and legs are not what they used to be. The proof is in the pudding, or the pizza I just ate (also literally).
3. Eating Carbs Nonstop
For more years than I'd like to admit, carbs were the enemy. I shunned them, I hated them, and I couldn't be trusted around them. I basically couldn't be in the same room as bread without feeling as if I needed to run a half marathon.
Then, I got pregnant, and carbs were the only food source that didn't make me sick. Then, I breastfed, and carbs were the only form of sustenance that sustained me and kept my milk supply flowing.
Then, I stopped breastfeeding, and well, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my morning oatmeal. I decided I enjoyed eating like a normal human being. Welcome back, carbs.
4. Being Obsessed With Wine
Your days revolve around taking care of everyone else but yourself. You sweat through your shirts in the summer heat while toting your baby around. You put the stroller in and out of the car a billion times a day. You come home after sitting through rush hour with a screaming child in the backseat and to a dog that desperately needs to be walked while your now-starving baby's diaper leaks onto your hip.
Try to tell me you won't need a glass (or seven) of wine the exact second your child hits the crib for the night.
5. Being Obsessed With Coffee
Take everything you've read so far and imagine doing even a fraction of that on no caffeine. I love you, Starbucks. End of story.
6. Posting Photos Of My Child On Social Media Constantly
I believe the exact line was, “You'll never catch me posting photos of my kid all the time on Facebook." Well, that was as much of a lie as the ruffles and bows. Sorry (not sorry), but I am so damn proud of that delicious face I created. I will keep sharing it forever.
7. Being So In Love With Motherhood That It's All I Talk About
I've unapologetically found my happiness in motherhood, in life after baby and in everything related to my life now as I know it. I'll never shut up about it. Call me cliched, but I'm owning the sh*t out of it.