If you ask me, I will tell you truthfully what's on my mind. I'm not saying I don't have a filter or that everything comes out. I do have one.
I know what's tacky and what's funny. But, I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of person, as one ex so eloquently put it. I took that as a compliment.
As I live on my own, I often forget I'm like this. My friends have to remind me. Take, for example, this past New Year's Eve. Being home for the holidays is always fun, and I had made plans with a particular "ex-boyfriend with history" to hang out on NYE. (I know it was a bad idea.)
I was with my best girl and her fiance when I called him to ask where he was. He had said he was getting ready two and a half hours prior. As I lay on the couch while having this conversation with him, my best friend and her fiance were sitting on the floor, listening.
I would say something, and her fiance would cover his mouth and shout “oh,” like someone was being burned. I was telling my "friend" – who was in the process of standing me up – that if he wanted to see me, he would be there seeing me. He would not be standing me up to drink beer with his buddies in someone's garage.
I was straightforward. I didn't yell or say anything crazy. If it was important enough to him, he would come see me. If it wasn't, he wouldn't: simple.
I forget that a large chunk of society does not communicate like this. My girl and her fiance helped me realize how frank I was being, and they cheered me on for being upfront with him. Needless to say, there was no midnight kiss. Let's just leave it at the fact that my "friend" doesn't appreciate girls being upfront.
There are lots of women out there who are just like me. I know because I'm friends with some of them. I love it.
They're tired of the games and the silly bullsh*t. So if he asks a question, they are going to answer truthfully. This is not about being rude or inconsiderate. This is about being honest.
But quite often, guys don't like it. It makes them uncomfortable and worried. This is odd, since it's likely they will know exactly where they stand with this kind of woman.
So, for the women who are like me when it comes to these straightforward character traits, here are some signs he's actually freaking out and has no idea what to do with you:
1. The Shifty Eyes
You know what I mean. When you're riding in the car or sitting at dinner, and he asks you what you thought of the movie you went to, you tell him it was awful.
But, you also mention you were glad to have gone with him. But, you still see those shifty eyes. You hate poorly done horror flicks. So what?
2. “Wow, you don't beat around the bush.”
This reaction very closely follows the shifty eyes. Yep, that means he noticed. Now, he's uncomfortable.
I've heard it countless times, unfortunately. The way you say things bothers him enough for him to draw attention to this fact.
This happens a lot when serious questions start getting asked. He says, “Do you love me?”
But maybe you're just not there yet. Being the considerate, honest person you are, you start to tell him how much you care about him. But, you aren't ready to say those three words just yet.
Silence. Dead silence. I think he wishes you had lied.
4. False Injury
You'll say something. Perhaps it will be about an incident or person that isn't related to the two of you at all. But, he will reply with an "ouch" or drawn out "oh," like a bystander watching a smackdown.
You didn't offend him, but he's making it known you made a candid statement about someone else.
5. He preludes you.
He gives you a special introduction to his friends before he even says your name. “Careful, guys. This one says it like it is. This is Sonja.”
*Cough.* "Thanks, bro." He's pretty worried about what others will think of you if he's introducing you like this.
So, now that you know he's uncomfortable, here are the reasons why it doesn't matter at all:
1. He's insecure.
This guy is doing these things because he's worried about what you might say about him, or because he's worried about what other people are going to think of you. If you don't care what other people think about you, neither should he.
2. Honesty is always better.
Nixing all the games and confusion with people is one of the best things you can do for both those people and yourself. It saves everyone time and pain. If you doing this makes one guy uncomfortable, so be it.
3. It shows strength of character.
This quality proves to him what a strong, independent person you are. You are someone who does not rely on the opinions of others to make you whole.
4. It's part of who you are.
This is an awesome part of your identity. You shouldn't change it for anyone. I don't care how cute he is.
5. Someone else is going to love it.
Guess what? Some other guy is going to come along and thank his lucky stars that you're such a breath of fresh air. It will be because he actually cares about what you think. He won't care what society thinks.
Maybe now you know why he does that funny eye thing with you so much or what those long pauses really mean. So, to my candid ladies out there: Keep saying it like it is, and don't change for anybody.
If he likes you for who you really are, he will love that you actually tell him what you're thinking. As they say, honesty really is the best policy.