My new mantra as of late is to be f*cking amazing.
Recently, I've been witnessing people go down one too many times after being rejected or dumped.
A friend called me the other night in tears, so like any good friend, I met up with her to lend an ear and a shoulder.
Classic tale of boy breaking girl’s heart: She thought he was into her, all the signs were there and she gave herself completely to him.
Then he dropped the bombshell; there is another girl in his life in whom he may be potentially interested.
It all sounded too familiar, especially if any of you had read my article on unrequited love. Most of us have been there; the most vulnerable position you could be in is to love somebody wholeheartedly, only to get let down for all kinds of reasons. It can leave you feeling worthless.
As this dear friend of mine was speaking to me, I felt like I was staring at myself in the mirror.
I honestly thought I loved myself, but after the mess I was in after that whole debacle, it made me realize I didn’t love myself at all.
Subconsciously, how much I loved and valued myself went through a process of validation. I was only worth something if somebody else could love me.
And, as the great line from Stephen Chbosky’s "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" goes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
After my heartbreak, I vowed to myself that I would never let another human being determine my worth.
Looking at my friend that day, I knew for sure I never wanted to feel that way again. The only person I need approval from is me.
How do I approve myself? By being f*cking amazing!
The question is, how does one become so amazing? I decided the only way to get myself back up again and be stronger is to be the kind of person I would fall in love with.
I know it sounds narcissistic, but you need to enjoy your own company and take care of yourself first and foremost before you can expect anyone else to do the same for you.
1. Be awesome at what you do.
Do your job and do it well. Find ways to learn and expand in your field because it makes your life more enriched.
I make it a goal, not only to just complete my task list, but also to be of service to others when I can be.
Bringing a smile to someone’s face or making his or her day a bit easier is a joyful experience that adds a bit more meaning to life. That one degree difference is what makes you irreplaceable.
2. Do what you love and hone your craft.
Everybody has a list of things they’ve always wanted to do, like learn how to speak another language or ski. So, what is stopping you?
Mine is to dance like a stripper, so I take my pole fitness very seriously. Focus on developing your skills until you master them. Own it!
3. Be determined and achieve your goals.
Use all the anger and pent-up resentment you may feel to fuel your success.
It makes you more passionate about achieving your goals because you constantly want to be better.
Nothing is more satisfying than being able to feel proud and happy for yourself because you no longer need to look externally for gratification. It’s the best way to win at life.
4. Eliminate the negatives.
Whether it is a negative lifestyle or negative relationship, always question if it is benefiting you in any way.
If the answer is no, then it is better done without.
I always ask myself, “Does this make me feel good?” and if the answer is no, it is a very easy decision for me.
I even decided to forego a close relationship where I always left each conversation feeling like a lowly version of myself.
When this person attempted to reconnect, I asked myself if I ever wanted to feel that way again. It was simple: bye-bye!
5. Stop relying on your phone to make you happy.
It is okay if no one messages you that day or if you don’t get any notifications.
We have become so obsessed with our social media connections that we have forgotten about the interactions we could have with people right before us.
Relax, your friends haven’t abandoned you, they might just be busy. And if your crush hasn’t messaged you, move on.
6. Have fun.
When you have fulfilled all of the above, there is only room for you to live in pure joy. Stop taking yourself so seriously and just have fun.
When you’re having a good time, people will naturally flock to you. Why? Because you’re f*cking awesome.