Why Feeling Lonely Is Key To Discovering Who You Really Are

by Doanh N.

Today, we are never completely alone. As the first generation fully immersed in the Internet and social media, we always vaguely have a sense of connection to the people in our lives.

Whether it be through their shallow, curated updates online, the ease of sending a simple text message or using apps and networks, we are able to instantly meet strangers and develop new relationships whenever we desire, while half-heartedly maintaining the existing ones we have.

Technology is constantly making the world smaller and more accessible.

But at the same time, this very access makes the world bigger in an ironic sense. We're no longer as limited to all the people we are able to reach.

Seeing as this sense of connection has become so mainstream, being fully by oneself requires more effort than just allowing oneself to be among everyone else. In a way, this ease of contact makes being actually alone feel even lonelier, especially when you're single.

However, when you are constantly bombarded with this illusion that everyone is happily paired up or doing something you're not a part of, it is so important to realize and remember the value of solitude.

Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time or you're simply someone whose sense of self has been diluted by complete social immersion, alone time is a very necessary part of self-development. This is especially true in your 20s, a time when everything is telling you the opposite.

It's normal to want to do what everyone else is doing. It's easy to buy into the myth of having to constantly be a part of a cohesive group.

You want to be at every party everyone else is attending, watching every show everyone else is watching or in a relationship because it seemed natural and it helped you fit in. The future might seem distant and unfathomable.

Young people often make the mistake of basing their self-worth on the acceptance and approval of others, from friends and lovers alike.

Rather than chasing such a fruitless endeavor, working to become the person who would earn your own approval is so much more fulfilling and sustainable in the long term.

When you are your best possible self, you gain a confidence that is truly honest. You are then able to be a better friend. Your relationships become more stable and rewarding.

You can fulfill familial duties with care and diligence. Along with this, you are also able to invite only people into your life who fit your standards. People who match you in pride, ambition and character.

But, at some point between youth and reality, there is a difficult transition everyone must make in order to become their best possible future selves. And, this transition – this development — occurs most effectively when it is organic.

It happens when one is free of distraction, able to become fully self-aware and put him or herself first. Loneliness can be very productive; it doesn't necessarily have to entail hardship.

So, if you're wondering why you're bored when people aren't around or if everyone around you is settling down while your heart and soul are completely unsettled, think about who you are and what you love to do.

Find happiness by developing a strong sense of self. All the things you think you want will eventually find you.