Luke Liable

I Want To Get Married, But I'll Never Do These 10 Things At My Wedding

I have never been the type of girl who obsesses about her wedding day. Just to be clear, I love the idea of unifying a relationship through marriage. I applaud anyone who is planning a wedding.

However, I can't help but roll my eyes at the whole process. It's not my fault that the majority of society follows the same road map when it comes to planning a wedding. I march to the beat of my own drum, and here are the things I refuse to do in preparation of my big day:

1. Focus On Every Single Detail

Honestly, I don't understand the differences among any wedding invitations I've ever received. Generally speaking, I get five different pieces of mail in one envelope. The paper feels expensive, and I can't read the cursive handwriting.

I guarantee that one piece of paper took weeks to execute, not to mention hundreds of dollars. Then, there are the table arrangements, the flowers, the linens, the bouquet and the seating arrangements. (I just blacked out.)

2. Become Bridezilla

I know myself pretty well, well enough to know my Type A personality would not do well in the decision-making role of “bride.”

I want the people I love to still love me when all of the wedding planning is said and done. I also want to enjoy my engagement. I don't want to drag my fiancé to cake tastings and wedding venues when we could be binge-watching Netflix series in our sweats.

3. Take Generic Engagement Photos

OK, seriously: Why are you looking into her eyes like that? It's weird.

Why are you walking away from the camera in the woods? I don't get it.

I want a dog. I want confetti. I want something besides flannel and un-brushed curls. Give me something, people.

4. Throw Unnecessary Showers

This is probably the most annoying part about weddings. I don't want to watch you unwrap presents, let alone have people watch me open presents.

Yes, Susan, I love the 10-piece cake set and matching baking pan you gave me. But I think everyone can agree that we have better things to do than eat mini sandwiches and have small talk with your aunt from Virginia.

5. Drag People To Watch An Hour-Long Ceremony

It's really sweet to watch the wedding scene in "Love, Actually." But sitting at a real-life wedding ceremony usually entails butt sweat, a whole lot of “awws,” gazing around at every girl's dress and wincing as the minister reads Corinthians 13:4.

6. Have A Countdown

Thank you for letting me know that there are 234 days until your big day. What is that? It's like saying your child just turned 32 weeks old.

It's stupid. Let me know when it's a month out.

7. Make It "My" Day, Instead Of "Our" Day

This is a big one for me. If I'm getting married, it means the day's not just about me.

I feel like this will be just as special of a day for him as it will be for me. I would hate for him to not have any say at all.

OK, I might not love everything he wants to include. But I would feel selfish if I didn't allow him to call some shots.

8. Apologize For Planning The Wedding The Way I Want To

My family is just as dysfunctional as every one else's, and they've influenced the way I look at this whole wedding thing.

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Social media has also turned me off anything traditional. Maybe I'll elope. Maybe I won't invite 200 people. But I'm not going to apologize for that.

9. Wear A Wedding Dress

This really just means I won't wear a cupcake on my body.

10. See It As The End All, Be All

The truth is, what comes after this day is much more important to me than anything else. Sure, I want my wedding day to be special and memorable.

But to me, it's just the pre-game to my actual marriage. Although I haven't dreamed about my wedding day, I have dreamed about the person I'm spending it with. That is what truly matters to me.

I've heard so many people say that they look back and hardly remember their wedding days. But they do remember all the stress that led up to them.

Sorry, but that sounds like my worst nightmare.