Why This Generation Cares So Much About Being 'Chill' But Shouldn't

by Zahra Thomas

The common connotation of "chilling" is to relax or hang out.

However, in today’s Millennial dating world, you can never be sure of the word's true meaning.

It can throw you for a loop — and, I mean, a complete 360.

"Be as chill as possible"

So, you’re interested in someone. To save time, you decide to make the first move by expressing your secret affection (that is, after you've mustered up the courage, asked your closest friend for the green light and procrastinated).

You finally send the initiating text in the least obvious, secretively suggestive way possible.

You don’t want to come off as too strong or desperate, so you aim to "be as chill as possible."

"Come over to chill"

After an indefinite amount of time and conversation, you’re invited to "come over to chill." Exciting!

"But wait," you think, "What does this mean?" Does it mean "hook up," "get to know you better" or just "hangout?" Are we friends? Are we potential lovers? What the hell does it mean!?

I asked one of my closest guy friends what it meant, and he simply replied, "Sex." I so did not get that memo!

"No chill"

The extremely driven and passionate individual has "no chill." Or, at least I don’t.

I focus all my energy on one person (at a time), and that’s it. I don't "date." This means, by the world’s standards, I have "no chill."

But, if I’m not mistaken, I thought that was called, "knowing what you want."

You’re not less chill because you're interested in getting to know one person, or you don't care to entertain four or five mediocre situations.

Somewhere along the line, media (music, reality TV, movies, etc.) convinced us entertaining multiple people while simultaneously suppressing your feelings in hopes of avoiding any real connection is okay.

When you think about it, it's just confusing and draining. It's a false sense of security.

Like, for real, who has time for that? I’m not going to lie, at one point I tried it, but it just completely stressed me out.

One thing I admire and love about New York is if you walk through Times Square, you will see a multitude of people with absolutely "no chill."

When you're on the subway, everyone's in his or her own world, not one chill to be found. The result?

One of the greatest and wealthiest cities in the world. A city full of unchill people did that.

To Be Chill, Or Not To Be Chill, That Is The Question


A) Chilling is harmful

So, what’s the point of being chill? It seems like in this day and age, we thrive off of appearing “not pressed” or “not thirsty” for anything.

In reality, nine times out of 10, you are pressed because you’re stalking your love interests via social media, thinking about them at all times, debating whether or not to send a text, revising the structure of the text and generally just driving yourself crazy.

So, by trying to come across like you’re "chill," you’re just invoking self-torture.

Being chill also stems from not wanting to be hurt or embarrassed. People try so hard to protect their feelings, they go to great lengths to seem "chill."

Sometimes, life will hurt you, but get over it. You cannot avoid pain and disappointment no matter how hard you try.

You can let that pain make you stronger, or you can let it cripple you. The choice is ultimately yours, but by playing it safe, you just fail completely.

You miss the opportunity to learn something, or you miss out on a really great person.

B) Chilling is okay

Don’t get me wrong; chill can be acceptable, and it is needed. Chill can mean not over-obsessing about a certain outcome you cannot control.

It can mean having peace about the unknown or things you cannot understand.

Just simply being content and trusting everything will happen how it should is chill.

Go Hard or Go Home

For all my intensely passionate individuals, you more than likely have no chill and that's perfectly okay.

You’re not chill because you know how to articulate your emotions intelligently. You're not chill because you're brave enough to expose the emotions you do have.

You're not chill because you're direct, and you don't waste time. You don't play it safe because you know the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.

So, "f*ck being on some chill sh*t," as Drake would say. Be you, and don't obsess over being chill if it's simply not who you are.