3 Ways To Become A Functional Stoner And Still Smoke Weed Every Day

by SHutchinson
Comedy Central

Do you like "that good good," but are also attending school or working a full-time job? Then this one's for you.

Stereotypically, stoners are seen in sort of a negative light. For many people, smoking weed actually turns them into more productive, useful human beings, and it can even make them happier. Weed allows you to think about things differently, stay calm and realize there may be alternative ways to deal with stressful situations.

My more "difficult" personality traits may or may not make me very anxious, rigid, controlling and ill-tempered. Many times, I tend to be my own worst enemy. I also work harder than most people I know.

My mom, who hates the fact that I smoke (even though we've never explicitly confirmed that I do), always said to me, "I don't care what you do in your spare time, as long as you get good grades and stay out of trouble." Well, I took that and ran with it.

I've gone through phases where I smoke every day to where I quit smoking altogether. Because of this, it's easy for me to compare my stoner life and my sober life. Now, there's definitely an art that goes into being a "functional stoner."

So, for all of you out there who are worried you can't be a normal human and smoke every day, here's your how to guide:

1. Moderation

Everything is all about moderation. For me, I limit my smoking from about early evening to around nighttime. This way, I'm able to do everything during the day to my full potential and with full motivation. Then, I can come home and relax.

Since I work in a restaurant kitchen, my day consists of constant chaos and pressure. So, coming home to some good kush, throwing on some sweatpants and diving into Netflix is the best part of my day. Keeping all of this in mind, do not go to work, interviews, meetings or any important events high. That is not being a functional and responsible stoner.

2. Pickups

Picking up $20 of weed at a time definitely makes it harder to be a functional stoner. You're constantly scrambling to find someone to pick up from, and you're worried about when you're going to run out. Sometimes you end up bumming a dime bag off a friend, which just ends up making you look desperate.

Picking up eighths or quarters at a time and learning to stretch that for a couple weeks helps save money, and it also helps stop you from building up a massive tolerance.

3. Social Life

Make sure you balance being an introverted stoner and going out with your friends. Many times, stoners can get inside their heads and get too comfortable with staying in every night, which isn't such abad thing. But, it will not make your friends happy.

Try to go out at least once a week, whether it's to a bar or just going out to dinner with your friends. Whatever it may be, just do it. This will keep you from being a couch potato and losing all your friends. Plus, all stoners know the best part about smoking weed is being able to share it will others.

Now that you have all the tools to become a flourishingly successful stoner, I suggest you pack that bong and take a rip. Creativity comes with the high, so embrace being a stoner.

Stay young forever, and ignore all the haters. But remember to never become the stereotypical stoner. It's all about functionality these days.