I haven't cried in two years. I haven't let one single f*cking tear drop.
Maybe it was because New York made me have a tough exterior. Maybe it was because I lost all my emotions, thanks to the people who've betrayed me in the past.
You're one of them.
Well, today I cried for the very first time in two years, roughly at 4:55 pm on this rainy Sunday. I didn't cry for long, but it was still for three solid minutes. This is all because I stalked your social media profiles and was reminded of how you still don't care about me. I'll add the ambiance of it raining to help with this pathetic scenario of me crying from just looking at social media. But either way, it happened: I finally cried.
I was your first best friend at college, and now, I'm just some girl living three hours away from you. I realized I would be missing out on college life once I graduated. I realized you would be having a blast during your senior year. I wish I could have spent one more year with you so we could celebrate this milestone together.
I realized I would be having serious FOMO, and I realized I would be getting jealous by looking at all your pictures online of the fun you're having without me. We still would talk occasionally and catch up. We would say how much we missed one another.
However, I could sense we were drifting apart. I was focusing on my career in the city, and you were focusing on living it up your senior year. We both had different priorities. We both were having different experiences, and we couldn't exactly relate to each other anymore.
But then, I sensed that you had changed. You weren't the bubbly and kind-hearted girl I had met while I was working on our first day at the university gym. You became so caught up in yourself for all the wrong reasons.
Here I am, noticing this change, and I'm not even in the same state you're in. People change. I get that. But then, you did something so heartless, it made me realize I couldn't be your best friend anymore. This had nothing to do with you violating girl code; this was you constantly lying to me behind my back.
You kept saying you were sorry, but you didn't mean it. I forgave you the first time, but in my gut, I was prepared. I knew you were constantly going to deceive me over and over again.
I shouldn't have to worry about that. You did exactly what I expected you would.
Here you are, asking for my forgiveness when you don't even realize what you did wrong. Deciding I can't have you in my life was one of the most difficult experiences I've ever had to encounter, especially since I've never had to end a friendship before.
I had to be mentally prepared that you were going to hurt me. I had to think of you while I was in my office. I didn't want to think of how our friendship was going to end.
Here I was, in my small office in Midtown, mentally and physically prepared to have our friendship end. But, I guess it never came across that way to you. I guess 200 miles away was far enough for you to not think of me.
Ever since I moved to New York City, I've become the woman I've always dreamed of becoming. I'm finally strong and aggressive. I'm no longer sensitive.
I would be lying if I said I'm not hurt by you. I am, but I won't let it affect me. At the end of the day, I'm grateful. I really do believe we had an amazing four years of memories together. I thank our college because it brought us together.
Looking back, I'm also grateful we are no longer best friends. I really just think we both changed.
We both aren't the same people anymore. I know that, and you know that. Someone wise once told me I will be losing more friends along the road. It's not advice I want to hear or believe, but I know it's true.
This past experience has led me to believe it's possible. Just a word of advice for you, though: I won't be the only friend you lose if you keep hurting people the way you hurt me. I really do wish you all the best, and congrats on your graduation.
Just some girl 200 miles away