If You're Only Focusing On Penetration, Your GF Probably Isn't Orgasming


Women who have taken the time to understand their own orgasms will agree with researchers that there is no such thing as the vaginal orgasm. We need science to tell us that there is no orgasm without clitoral stimulation, and then, time and again, the findings end up being ignored by the media's portrayals of heterosexual sex.

The male domination of sexuality has been depriving women of the full range of their pleasure for years, and since it's 2016, it's time we come to terms with the fact that there is no scientific evidence that either penis size or skill in copulation are qualities that have any kind of significant influence on a woman's orgasm.

Whether in porn or in mainstream movies, women are commonly portrayed reaching orgasm mainly from penetration. Most of the times, they are shown reaching orgasm from activities that could never give a woman an orgasm.

Young women grow up seeing this, and they think that there is something wrong with them when it doesn't happen like that in real life. Likewise, men learn that all they have to do to get a woman to climax is penetrate her with skill and a good-sized penis.

Even reputable professionals have often talked about a staggering 43 percent of women who suffer from a dysfunction that doesn't allow them to have an orgasm through intercourse. But, 43 percent?

Perhaps what is really happening here is many women experience some of the psychological aspects of an orgasm through intercourse. They call what they experience an orgasm, when in reality, they are not having one.

Penetration can stimulate the clitoris, but in these cases, an orgasm is almost like a side effect. It is not the real focus of the activity. In a way, the vaginal orgasm is learned, while the actual, clitoral orgasm is discovered.

Women who have no experience with masturbation or oral stimulation may live their entire lives without experiencing the full potential of their orgasm. They may feel that their sexual lives are fulfilling.

In male-centered cultures where the male orgasm is the center of heterosexual encounters, this problem is particularly prevalent. Sex ends when men ejaculate, and a woman's moaning is often interpreted as an orgasm, when it actually isn't.

Women whose clitorises are located farther from the vagina or are of smaller size can have intercourse all their lives thinking there is something wrong with their ability to reach orgasm. But in reality, they simply need to understand that clitoral stimulation is necessary to achieve climax. The same women who have been labeled as anorgasmic could have several orgasms before, during and after penetration, if they and their partners would only understand that simple fact.

While an orgasm has both physical and psychological components, there are very specific things that need to take place in a woman's body to consider a specific reaction to sexual interaction an orgasm. I have often asked women about their orgasms, and some of them have told me that they experience "two different types" of orgasms.

But, orgasm through penetration is kind of a gamble, while orgasm through clitoral stimulation is a sure thing for most women. The problem is, why should we keep the male orgasm at the forefront? If women can have five or even 10 orgasms during one sexual encounter, why shouldn't we?

Feminist scholars and anatomy researchers alike have been talking about these things since the '60s and even earlier. Yet, our culture keeps pushing fallacies like the G-spot and the supposed frigidity of women who do not climax through intercourse.

This Women's History Month, we still have a lot to fight for in terms of inequality and oppression. But, I hope we will not forget one of the quintessential aspects of being a woman: the misunderstood, misinterpreted and undervalued female orgasm. It requires no penetration, no phallic sex toys and no waiting time between one and the next. It can be fabulous once and again, and again.

If there is any kind of equality that I would really want to fight for, it is orgasm equality. What heterosexual women need in this day and age are men who truly understand their orgasm, instead of looking for a mythical G-spot that does not exist according to science or blaming it on orgasmic dysfunction.

Celebrate Women's History Month by unleashing the full power of your orgasm. Let us also celebrate the wonderful men who know these things and want nothing more than to let our orgasm shine in its full splendor.