This Drinking Game Will Keep You Sane During Your Family's Thanksgiving
With one day remaining until Thanksgiving, the prep is already done.
We’ve seen turkeys in carts, angry people waiting in line at the market and sweet potatoes being shown much more love than usual.
One could say this is the most wonderful time of year.
Who are we to disagree?
But in order to receive that gorgeous bounty in front of us, we must endure the family dynamic.
I like to call these Thanksgiving politics “the turkey trade-off.”
It goes without saying we love our families and all of their quirks, most of which we will mostly likely adopt in time.
That being said, we love the new freedom moving away from them has given us.
Let’s be honest: We all have that family member at the table who really makes us work for our food (if you know what I mean).
For some, this could cause dread. But if you’re like me, you see it as an opportunity to imbibe.
So, in an effort to make the holiday flow nicely for you, I’ve curated several drinking games for you to participate in at your Thanksgiving table this year.
Take your cup and have a swig when any of the following happens:
1. Anyone Goes On A Trump Rant
Nothing brings a group of people together like commiserating over the idiocy that is Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.
Trump could easily trump your turkey high, so keep the ginger beer close, and breathe it in through your mouth.
2. Anyone Says, “Here’s What You Should Do”
If you’ve recently moved or are currently in a confused phase of life, beware.
Suggestions will be hurled at you from every direction, so be sure to have your glass full at all times for this one.
3. Anyone Gives You The Side-Eye For Taking Another Helping
It passed through the grapevine that you’ve vowed to lose 15 pounds by February, so everyone has automatically become your Jillian Michaels.
Pair those stares of judgment with a nice sip of red.
You’ll start tomorrow.
4. Anyone Gets Food Stuck In His Or Her Teeth, Mustache Or Beard
It’s bound to happen, and it's bound to persist without any helpful interference.
You would love to focus in on that discussion about international politics, but the stuffing on the "scruffing" begs to differ.
Bring that glass to your mouth and nod.
5. Anyone Asks Why You’re Still Single
The Aunt Helens will be all over this one.
“But you’re so cute!” they’ll say, with maybe even some cheek pinching.
Instead of traumatizing them by explaining what the dating world is actually like these days, fall in love with your cider all over again.
6. Anyone Talks Sh*t About Another Family Member
It just so happens that the object of frequent conversation just couldn’t make it to this year’s gathering.
But, he or she hasn’t been forgotten about, especially with all the tea being spilled in his or her honor.
You know, the figurative tea.
Don’t drink that tea. Drink your champagne.
7. Anyone Says, “Tryptophan”
Be prepared for this one after the meal, but right before the dessert.
It may even be over coffee.
It’s the question that repeats itself every year.
“What’s that thing in turkey that makes you sleepy?”
Like clockwork, everyone says in monotone, “Tryptophan.”
That’s your cue.
8. Anyone Kicks You Under The Table
“Nope, that’s my leg again.”
Time to kill the bottle.
With the frequency of these occurrences, your booze won’t be wasted, but you might be.
As always, drink responsibly.
You know your family better than anyone else, so secure a ride home if you think this year will be especially drowned in discomfort and unwarranted opinion.
Disclaimer: Not all the opinions expressed in this piece are representative of my own feelings toward my family.