3 Signs You're A Commitment-Phobe And It's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of
Commitment-phobes get a lot of bad press.
From Beyoncé telling us to put a ring on it, to Millennials complaining about hook-up culture fuelled by dating apps and social media, not committing is definitely not something to be proud of.
Whether it's self-help guides or top tips for taming an unruly guy, I'm forever coming across articles which suggest that commitment-phobes are not normal and have some sort of illness or psychological disorder.
The fact is, however, we commitment-phobes are everywhere. Just hit up Tinder to see how many people around you are looking for no-strings sex.
The term "commitment-phobe" typically relates to a man's fear of committing to a monogamous, long-term relationship.
But, commitment phobia definitely affects women, too, and it applies to all aspects of life, not just relationships.
Rather than being a negative personality trait, I would argue it's okay to be a commitment-phobe.
In fact, it's totally awesome -- here's why:
1. Your friends are getting married, and you're still hitting Tinder.
By staying single during your 20s, you are giving yourself the opportunity to grow as a person, date different people and find out exactly what you want from a relationship.
The changes you will go through during your 20s are phenomenal.
At 26, you may still be shooting Jägerbombs, but in general, you will feel pretty different compared to when you were 20 and puking out a cab window.
Staying single during this transitional period allows you to grow into the person you're meant to be, without anyone else's influence or the need for anyone else's validation.
It also means you can meet someone when you're a bit older and more likely to have your sh*t together, minus all the drama and turbulence being in your 20s brings.
One of the main reasons I'm still single is because I just haven't found the right person yet.
I may still be swiping right on Tinder, but it has allowed me to find out what I want and what I don't want.
And, trust me, for every douchebag, there's someone cool who restores your faith in the opposite sex.
Why the hell would you give up the life you already have for someone who just doesn't cut it?
After all, if and when you do meet someone special, committing probably won't be a problem.
2. Long-term career plan? You don't even know what you're doing tomorrow!
Maybe you're out of college and still have no f*cking clue what you're doing with your life.
Or, maybe you're like me, and that grad job you thought you wanted wasn't what you expected it to be.
But, rather than beat yourself up, think about this: You now have this amazing opportunity to work out what you want to do with your life.
You should feel proud that, unlike a lot of other people, you didn't just fall into something for the sake of it.
Some people might tell you you should stick it out and not give up at the first hurdle. Sure, you could do that. But, what if you know, instinctively, it's not right for you?
Not only will you be wasting your precious young years doing something you hate, you could also end up working miserably on auto-pilot for the next 40 years.
Just because other people aspire to a steady, safe and well-paid career doesn't mean you have to.
I recently walked away from a well-paid job as a lawyer at one of the world's top law firms because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life looking in the mirror every day wondering, "What if I'd followed my heart?"
You've only get one shot at this life, so why not at least try to make your dreams come true?
3. You can't even commit to a zip code, never mind a mortgage.
So, you just weren't born to stay in the same place your whole life and hang out with the same group of friends you've had since high school?
Maybe you have this thing called wanderlust: the overwhelming desire to explore the world; to grab all those wonderful experiences and opportunities.
This need to travel can be so strong, it overpowers jobs, relationships and everything else in your life.
But, by constantly adapting to changing environments, meeting new people and trying new things, you will learn so many life lessons, including independence, an understanding of different cultures and how to conquer fear of the unknown.
For me, new places generally have an expiration date of six months. Once the honeymoon period ends, I hit the road.
But, maybe that's just because I haven't found anywhere I want to plant roots, and until I find the place I don't want to leave, I'll keep going.
For all you free birds out there, here's one final affirmation for the road:
"I don't fear commitment, I fear wasting my time." -- unknown