Interesting Is The New Hot: Why Personality (Over Looks) Is The New Black
I was recently strolling through Madison Square Park, when I passed two girls mid-conversation.
“Yeah, I met this guy last night, and he was so interesting.” She paused. “Like he was the most interesting person, you would love him." She continued to coo. "He’s one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met."
I stayed in their perimeter a few moments longer to wait for the inevitable topic of his looks to surface, yet she continued to go on about how interesting he was.
Not his height, not his arms, not his style.
She didn’t talk about his hairline or the way he pulled off a plunging v-neck. He was just a cool guy, and what he looked like wasn’t the most important thing.
I passed them, I didn't need to hear any more of their conversation because I got what I needed to hear from them.
They affirmed a truth, a truth that I’ve been realizing myself for the past few months. A truth that took coming to New York, getting a job and growing up to see.
The beautiful, liberating truth that, at the end of the day, it’s way better to be an interesting person than a good looking one.
For as long as I can remember, looks always came first. He was hot, so she wanted to date him. She was hot, so guys talked to her.
It wasn’t about personality, it was about who looked hottest in skimpy dresses and muscle shirts.
We chose people based on whether we wanted to be seen with them, and how well they fit into the idealized versions of romance we set up for ourselves.
But then, we grew up.
And growing up brings maturity, and maturity brings a sh*t ton of clarity.
Those things we thought were so important as kids took a backseat to adult things, like conversation skills and ability to hold down a job.
Things like how well he can wear a flannel and how big her ass looks come second to things like personality and sense of humor.
Growing up means realizing there are a lot of boring people out there with beautiful faces.
It’s a game of how long you can stand it, endure the shallow conversations and fake smiles until you start craving something more.
After enough monotonous dates, we realized that the guys with the big biceps and the girls with the even bigger chests aren't enough anymore.
Because as Frank Sinatra put it, “When you go out with a someone, it shouldn’t be a staring contest.”
In our monotonous cycle of our everyday lives, we’re really just looking for someone who can stir it up. Someone who can take us away from the dull, meaningless nine-to-five so many of us feel chained to.
We want to meet people who aren’t just going to talk about their boring lives, but challenge us to reevaluate our own.
We’re yearning for someone different, someone we can actually talk to, get to know and think about outside of just a sexual way.
Someone who we actually care to know about what he or she did all day and someone we would be proud to introduce to our parents.
We want someone who is going to challenge us, not just sit there while we stare at each other.
Someone who is going to excite us and awaken ambitions within ourselves. We're just looking for that awesome dinner date, where conversation trumps the anticipation of ripping clothes off.
You know if you've met this person. It's like a cool gust of wind after walking for hours in humidity.
It's a wave of relief that comes over you, this pouring of emotion and gratitude. It's the meeting of a messiah who touches you and reminds you that there are deep people out there.
There are people with whom you can connect and learn from. You won't be in this shallow pit of empty souls forever. There's a small group of people who can save you.
Beauty was once called a “depreciating asset” and while I do not believe that, I do know that interesting never has to compete with the stigma.
Someone is never interesting at 20 and boring at 30. It doesn’t work that way.
In fact, it's actually the opposite.
Interesting people's stories, lessons and experiences grow with them through the years, until they become these beacons of wisdom and enlightenment.
They become old souls with the same purpose and meaning they had in their youth. They are worldly and wise, constantly becoming more and more interesting.
There are far more ways to be interesting than hot
While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you don’t need to look at someone to know if that person is interesting. Fortunately, for all interesting people out there, there’s no definitive trait to define them.
They don’t need to have big lips or bright eyes. There’s no long legs or silky hair. You can’t quantify their assets with tangible and explicable traits.
Their radiance comes from within, from the experiences and wisdom they hold.
It comes from their stories and their auras. It comes from being able to captivate people in a way they are not used to being captivated.
They are able to just be themselves, and in just being who they are, they are cool.
Interesting doesn’t look bad in the morning
Unlike fake beauty, interesting doesn’t smear on the pillow and come off in the shower. It doesn’t hide in the shadows or beneath pushup bras.
There are no fake eyelashes or hair extensions. It’s just a person. A person in raw, true form.
There is no blush needed or heels with extra height. Interesting people don't need steroids or fake tans.
Interesting doesn't come off with their clothes or fade with age. It’s as permanent as the feeling they leave you every morning when you discover something else about them.
Interesting lasts past first glance
Beauty is what captivates you on the first glance, interesting is what keeps you looking… again and again and again. It’s the kind of attractiveness that grows the more you get to know someone.
You can see it expanding and flourishing within minutes of beginning a conversation. It fills the room and blinds you to all other contenders with its sheer strength and confidence.
It keeps you yearning for more after you leave.
Eventually, we forget what people look like. We forget the placement of their dimples and the color of their eyes.
We forget how tall they were and the shape of their toes. But we never forget interesting.
We never forget the stories or the moments. And, most definitely, we never forget the way they made us believe in people again and question the authenticity of our own lives.