Yo, remember when you used to get low? You remember -- when you could put any of the girls you see these days at the club to shame with your booty drop and just general swagger.
You could recite an entire Ja Rule song whilst participating in a grind train with your best friends and a few hard pokes in the back.
You weren’t scared about how you looked or if it was “good for them,” you just wanted to get low. And low you got — sometimes too low.
We were the kids who led to the dance contracts and designated “10 inches apart” rule. We were the bad ones, the ones who didn’t give a f*ck.
Sipping vodka in the bathroom stalls -- our jean mini skirts barely touching our knees -- using Mom and Dad as the designated drivers... We were the definition of no f*cks given.
Look at us now. Trying to act so sophisticated. I doubt any of us have gotten low since high school.
Drinking cocktails instead of our parents' gin, wearing designer leather skirts instead of Abercrombie & Fitch ones and paying $40 for club entrance instead of our lunch money — we may have outgrown some things for the better, but some of the old ratchet ways of our youth need to be acknowledged.
Because even though we’re old enough to go to fancy bars and laugh at the mistakes of our young, naive selves, there will always be that special place in our hearts that wishes the club was really just another high school dance.
The DJ actually listened to your song request
Is it that hard to play some goddamn Britney Spears? "Toxic"? We know you've got it.
Lil Jon’s “Get Low” played at least twice
To the window, to the wall… For that moment and that moment only, we all had sweaty balls and didn’t give a f*ck.
There was FREE vodka in the bathroom
There were no bathroom attendants and lollipops, but there was enough stolen vodka and rum to make you believe sitting on the floor of the handicap stall is the best it’ll ever get... And it was.
Rubbing crotches wasn't frustrating, it was the furthest you'd ever gotten
And all you ever needed…
It was, literally, someone's job to separate you if things got too hot and heavy
If you were Catholic, “leaving room for the holy spirit” was a real thing.
You didn’t worry about losing your friends
Making eye contact while grinding and singing Usher had no added connotations.
Everything that was done was done right out in the open
If your neighbor wants to chaperone the dance, she better be ready to face you tomorrow.
All the songs were censored so you screamed curse words extra loud
That’s right, we don’t give a F*CK.
It was a workout for the legs
You used to have stamina. You used to have passion. You used to grind low until you couldn’t feel anything from top to bottom.
You were actually c*ck-blocking yourself with leggings under a denim skirt
You didn’t need your creepy guy friend to keep you from getting any… you did that all yourself.
The boners were totally chill
If a man pokes you in the back now, it’s disturbing. Back then… it was the goal.
All the guys wanted to dance with the girl who developed early
Look at me now, Becky.
You didn’t need to know how to dance, just to move that ass
There was one move and one move only and you could practice on your pillow at home.
You choreographed moves with friends
Half the reason we all loved "High School Musical" is that we also maybe had our own impromptu choreographed dances that always included a Ciara booty drop.
You never realized how hard it was for the guy to match your crazy, erratic movements
Ignorance is bliss, and so what if his dick had a few blisters?
Because that DMX song "Party Up" still played
Why is no one playing that anymore?
At least one of you was doing the Crip walk with no understanding of gang affiliations
And you did it damn well.
Mom and Dad were actually proud to pick you up after
No, Mom, I didn’t have anything to drink! I’m throwing up because of those fish tacos you made last Tuesday! God!
If you stayed until the lights came on, it was only 11 pm
Not that you had anywhere to go after.