Never Full: 21 Truths You Know Well When You're The Hangry Friend
Hangriness: It is a very real thing; science even proves it.
This epidemic affects more people than you think. It creeps up on unsuspecting individuals, plaguing them with pangs of uncontrollable hunger that transform them into insufferable divas who cannot think rationally.
It's just like those Snickers commercials.
The only cure for this ratchet disease is massive amounts of food.
No one wants to deal with a hangry person. Things can get ugly very, very fast.
If there is no food to be had, someone could very well end up with a sharp object implanted in his or her jugular vein.
So, what happens to the person who has chronic hangriness? It will bleed into every aspect of your life.
When you’re the hangry friend of your group, your eating habits affect the herd.
Your friends find themselves constantly having to deal with your irrational behavior, becoming responsible for feeding you when you lose all sense of rationality.
You literally become a monster, and it can be very scary.
You’ve learned to take precautions, making sure to snack regularly, but sometimes, your hangriness cannot be avoided. When you haven’t eaten, you’re very certain you are going to die.
It’s a daily struggle, but you do your best to handle it with grace.
Here are 21 struggles every hangry person knows all too well:
1. You’re always the first to show up to any meal.
When it comes to eating out, you are extremely punctual. You simply can’t understand how anyone would show up late to a function that involves getting fed.
2. Everyone assumes when you’re mad about something, you’re just hungry.
Sometimes you’re not just hungry; you’re actually just pissed (but also probably hungry).
People are quick to brush your anger aside and use your ramped hangriness as an excuse.
3. You hate when your friends won’t go in on popcorn at the movies.
Why the actual f*ck would you go to a movie and not get popcorn? You always end up with the jumbo box to yourself.
4. You get pissed when you’ve already ordered and someone shows up late.
If someone makes you sit over your food and wait for his or her food to come, you are not going to be a happy camper.
5. You run out of snacks far too regularly.
And need to constantly carry them around in your purse.
6. Your eyes are always bigger than your stomach.
When you’re hungry, you think you are literally dying, which of course means you must order everything on the menu. It causes you physical pain to throw food away.
7. Your friends judge your eating habits.
Your friends have expressed genuine concern over how important food is to you.
When food is put in front of you, you basically become an animal, inhaling it all like it will disappear. Haters will hate.
8. You claim you’ll pass out if you don’t eat every two hours.
9. Waiting for your work wife to head to lunch is literally torture.
How can she possibly make you wait five more minutes? What could be so important that it can’t wait until after lunch? Your stomach is EATING ITSELF!
10. You hate that friend who eats really slowly.
You finish your food and are forced to watch your friend finish her food. It f*cking sucks. Great, now you’re hungry again.
11. You can’t stand when someone eats off your plate.
You may have stabbed your friend with a fork when she reached over to take a bite of your food.
There is no death stare like the death stare you offer in reply to, “Can I try some of that?”
12. You won’t go anywhere where food isn’t involved.
You first question after any invitation is, “Will there be food?”
13. You have a snack before dinner plans.
You know you can’t wait a whole hour between work and your dinner date.
That’s just not even reasonable. You’re just being proactive, right?
14. You’re super mean to your friend who never gets hungry.
You resent her super hard because the only thing you ever want to do is eat.
Like, don't make me feel bad for being hungry just because you don't want to eat, you twat.
15. You never split appetizers.
It’s really not OK to share an appetizer. You ordered this appetizer because you wanted this appetizer, OK?
It’s your food, and you’re going to eat it.
16. Getting your “bikini body” in shape is just not a thing.
You’re like, “Nah, son. I need some chicken wings.”
17. Your friends know “let’s split dessert” means “I will be eating the whole dessert.”
You know you have good friends when they really know you and just love you for you.
18. You spend all of your money on food.
You go to the mall, and instead of getting that dress you went there to buy, you end up just going to Cinnabon and the Cheesecake Factory.
19. Seamless always gives you four sets of utensils.
They just assume you’re sharing with a group. It’s a silent judgment you’ve come to terms with.
20. You cannot be rational when you’re hungry.
You become the most enormous diva when you’re hungry.
You’ve often found yourself crying hysterically, not even realizing you were literally just in need of sustenance.
21. Food literally does solve your problems.
If there’s food, and you are eating that food, there is no problem to be had.